it's a beautiful day!

I feel powerful today. Beautiful, and feminine, and powerful.

The more correct term might be capable. Able. Enough. Today I feel like I am enough. It is similar to the feeling I get after I finish a good book. Except I haven’t finished any new books lately.

You have experiences that remind you that you can do this life thing, and succeed in it. Yesterday was scary. (no details, sorry) But it was just another life experience, another bonding experience, another show of God’s grace, reminding me of what real community is and what wonderful friends I have.

A few years ago I went to India. I was with my family, but it still felt like an accomplishment. Just little pieces about being there made me feel like I could do anything. India wasn’t my first trip out of the country, but some of the things I saw there were different from anything else. (I mean, I saw things in Russia that I had never seen before too, but India was a whole different animal from anything before.) India is beautiful. The nature is breathtaking. The culture was colorful- literally. Of course there were things I didn’t like about India, there are tons of things I don’t like about America, and I live here. But some of my experiences there gave me the same sort of feeling when I came home. I can do life here. I am capable of it.

Then I went to Mexico without my parents. It was just four of us girls flying down there for a week before the big group came. That wasn’t hard (except for the Houston airport.. haha) but it was another of those small accomplishments.

And then there was the taxi ride through Turkey in the wee hours of the morning, and getting stuck in a small airport in southern Russia.

For none of these experiences was I alone, but they still helped teach me of my capabilities, especially in community.

Taking care of injured people, bold eye contact, listening to people talk about their fragility…

These two years of college haven’t been delightful. They haven’t been particularly fun. There have been great, wonderful, fun bits, and they come often, but they’ve generally been much more eye opening than fun.

This year and last year have been so different, but they run around the same themes. The broken, emptiness of people. Last night, Lara said something like, “for a top predator, humans are so fragile.” so true. Such different experiences, but so transforming. And today, I feel powerful. capable.

I can’t really explain, but I want to.

I want to spend my life helping girls. America is ruining its girls. That fact is always on my mind. I’m always thinking about how people are, and how people should be.

Some days, I feel like I’ve grasped it. Some days I feel like I can see myself a bit more clearly. Some days, like today, I know, and feel that I am enough. That I am a girl of America, and I’ve made it through. And I have hope. That I can share. Some days, I’ve got it.

Today, I feel powerful and feminine, and enough.

God is so good. He's always with me, but some days His presence feels almost tangible. Some days my heart actually hears that I'm enough and loved and beautiful. Days like today.