Randoms! :)

I am so thankful for my friends.

Tonight while I was eating my burger (but forgot the ketchup) and canned pear slices, I sat behind? next to? in front of? three girls, who were just being cruel about different people.

My wonderful friend sent me this song: Sons of Admirals-Believe in Yourself

OH MY GOODNESS. SO EXCITING!!

If you know my puppy, my mama saw a Bouvier Des Flandres (the guy in the pic is 3 mos.) at Hocking Hills when she and dad went this weekend, and she said he was a genuinely happy dog who looked like my puppy. If you don't know my puppy, you should meet him. He's real. (as in, velveteen rabbit real. :) )

It is supposed to snow a LOT. I am very skeptical about this, as it almost never snows as much as they say it will. (It would make me happy if it did though, I LOVE snow!) But! Though I am feeling skeptical about it, I am SO restless. I haven't had that much sugar today (compared to other days), and I don't know why else I would feel so giddy, so restless. It's sort of lovely. Sort of bad. Because I need to calm down at least a little for lifegroup, and then sleep... but anyways, it's the kind of squirrelly restlessness you find in kindergarten classrooms. And that makes me think (hope) it might actually snow a decent amount. (I bolded that to show you how crazy I feel right now.)

Have a happy night/day!

I'm back.

*I'm back. Well I guess I was still here, posting, but I was frustrated. I think I can get used to this current blog layout. Still miss the other one, but this will do. :)

I wrote a lot of poetry today. :)

probably got two good lines out of seven poems, but that's good. The point is to be writing. Also I love this font. :) (didn't write seven poems today- I had some that needed to be typed. Maybe wrote four today? I didn't count exactly.)

Also, Lara and I went for a really good, long, spontaneous walk in the SUNSHINE! today. While we were walking past Hanna or Univ Hall or whatever one over there, a POSSUM (opossum?) scurried by. *shudder shudder* I do not like them. Especially not in daylight. (I guess actually I like them better in daylight so I can see them and run away... but not entirely natural I don't think...) But we had a good talk too. You know you're friends with someone when you can share your embarrassing, girl stories with them. :)

Tomorrow is Monday. Three classes, a lab report to write, and then lifegroup. :)

Neruda

I have an idea for you.

Read this poem,

and listen to this song

at the same time.

Caspian- Sycamore

Every Day You Play

Every day you play with the light of the universe.
Subtle visitor, you arrive in the flower and the water.
You are more than this white head that I hold tightly
as a cluster of fruit, every day, between my hands.

You are like nobody since I love you.
Let me spread you out among yellow garlands.
Who writes your name in letters of smoke among the stars of the south?
Oh let me remember you as you were before you existed.

Suddenly the wind howls and bangs at my shut window.
The sky is a net crammed with shadowy fish.
Here all the winds let go sooner or later, all of them.
The rain takes off her clothes.

The birds go by, fleeing.
The wind. The wind.
I can contend only against the power of men.
The storm whirls dark leaves
and turns loose all the boats that were moored last night to the sky.

You are here. Oh, you do not run away.
You will answer me to the last cry.
Cling to me as though you were frightened.
Even so, at one time a strange shadow ran through your eyes.

Now, now too, little one, you bring me honeysuckle,
and even your breasts smell of it.
While the sad wind goes slaughtering butterflies
I love you, and my happiness bites the plum of your mouth.

How you must have suffered getting accustomed to me,
my savage, solitary soul, my name that sends them all running.
So many times we have seen the morning star burn, kissing our eyes,
and over our heads the gray light unwind in turning fans.

My words rained over you, stroking you.
A long time I have loved the sunned mother-of-pearl of your body.
I go so far as to think that you own the universe.
I will bring you happy flowers from the mountains, bluebells,
dark hazels, and rustic baskets of kisses.
I want
to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.

Pablo Neruda

A friend told me that Neruda wrote in green ink, because green means hope.

here's the deal

They changed blogspot. A lot.

So I think my lovely theme is gone.

bummers.

But it's the content that should make the blog, right?

and also there are some super fun fonts now.

So it'll be allll right.

So I screwed it up BAD.

I was trying to make the lion my background, but it obviously didn't work. So I ended up just clearing all previous settings and now I can't figure it out again. So now I'm frustrated, and I think I'll just leave it be for a few days.

Ok. It's under construction. I'll fix it later. Right now I want a nap. :)

for my bg friends.

you must be a special person

to chomp down on an onion

like it’s a piece of fruit.

to pull off every single color in your hair.

to be the most fashionable person I know and

not pressure me at all about it, not even by accident,

to soften my cynical heart every time you give me a hug,

to be as generous as you,

not just with things but also with time,

to be vulnerable and trust I won’t

betray your heart.

to share my enthusiasm for the way children play,

to never betray your mother’s home cooking.

to have so much

through so much pain

(don't know why this formatted funny...)

When your heart starts to internalize.

When you make up your mind to please only One,

you can wear navy blue with black. You can sit down where ever you like. You can stop in the middle of the sidewalk and watch the sky for awhile. You can stand in one place and eat your apple, or stand in one place just to stand there. You can spin when the urge strikes you, and giggle at the wind. You can snort and cry when you laugh, if you like. You can take your time in the sandwich line and at airport security. You can drink tap water and reuse plastic bottles too many times. You can smile at random strangers (but if you're a girl, only when you're in America). You can admit that you like the morning. You can be genuinely friendly to everyone, everywhere.

You don't have to be afraid of what people think of how you dance. Of how your hair looks or if your shoes go with your pants. You don't have to be ashamed of eating dinner alone or in silence.

You needn't be annoyed when it rains or someone jostles you in line, when your paper or poem isn't good enough, or when you screw up a question, or when people ask you questions you just can't answer- whether it be because you don't know the answer or the person well enough.

You needn't be discouraged about having too much homework or worry about how you're gonna do all that and sleep too.

When you make up your mind to please only One, the little things start to change. And it's the little things that change your life the most. I think. At least for now. :)

girl?

a "harmless" facebook note.

[] You own over 10 bottles of nail polish

[] You own a designer purse

[] You own perfume that cost over $60

[] You had/have fake nails

[] You have more body lotions/hair products than you use

[] Your pet is a chihuahua/Pomeranian/Yorkshire Terrier/Siamese/Shih Tzu/dachshund

[] You have clothes/shoes/accessories for your pet

[] You have enough clothes to cover an entire refugee camp.

[] You have enough pictures to create your own wallpaper.

Your pet is a small dog? Really?

So in order to be a real girl you must be very materialistic. The only one of these that fits me is having more hair products than I use. And right now that is because I have some back up shampoo in my room.

ADORE:

[] Makeup

[] Glitter

[] The Color Pink

[] Jewelry

[ ] Mirrors

[] Chick flicks

[ ] Shoes

[] Rainbows

[ ] Unicorns

[] Disney Movies

[] Candles

[] Flowers

[] Stuffed Animals

[] Purses

rainbows and unicorns? MIRRORS? I know no girls who adore mirrors. I adore trees and hills and paths in the woods and snow and a good strong pair of galoshes.

DO YOU SHOP AT:

[] Coach

[] Forever 21

[] Victoria's Secret

[ ] Guess

[] Claires/Icing

[] Express

[] Delias

[] Hollister

[] American Eagle

[] Abercrombie & Fitch

[] Aeropostale

...I shop at Kohl's, and JC Penny's, and the family shop under my church.

DO YOU SAY:

[] Whatever

[] (colour) is the new (colour)

[] Oh my gosh/goodness/god

[] Huh

[] Fugly

[] That's hot

[] Dunzo

[] Darlin

[] Pshh

[] Cutie

[] Hottie

[] Skank

[] Totally

[] For Sure

[] Fabulous

Psshh this is so silly. Darlin, if I don't call you a cutie or a hottie or whatever a dunzo is, I'm totally not a girl? Huh. That's just Fabulous.

DO YOU READ:

[] Cosmopolitan

[] Glamour

[] Marie Claire

[] Elle Girl

[] Teen Vogue

[] People

[] Us Weekly

[] Star

[] Self

[] PerezHilton.com

[] Dlisted.com

[] 17online.com

[] people.com

[] usmagazine.com

[] popsugar.com

[] Pink Is The New Blog.com

No indeed I do NOT read any of these.

DO YOU LOVE THESE:

[] Legally Blonde

[] Elizabethtown

[] Mean Girls

[] 10 Things I Hate About You

[] A Walk to Remember

[] Sweet Home Alabama

[] Where the Heart is

[] Just My Luck

[] John Tucker Must Die

[] Centerstage

[] Bring it On

[] How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

[] Mona Lisa Smile

[] My Girl

Pride and Prejudice anyone? about two very real and flawed people? anyone? Some of those are good, yeah, but I wouldn't say I love them.

DO YOU REALLY ENJOY...

[] America's Next Top Model

[] Project Runway

[] Desperate Housewives

[] The Simple Life

[] 8th & Ocean

[] Sex & the City

[] Grey's Anatomy

[] The O.C.

[] Laguna Beach/The Hills

[] Nip/Tuck

[] Gilmore Girls

[] Degrassi

Have never heard of most of those. and the ones I have heard of... no.

Now multiply the total by 2.

Repost as I am __% Girl

Is THIS what our culture finds feminine? Obviously, this note has no idea what being a girl is. Harmless, of course, but what about when we start believing it's all harmless, darlin?

You know what's fun about being single and not looking?

You can be genuinely friendly with everyone.

You know what's fun about only trying to please One?

You can wear navy blue and black,

you can giggle at the wind.

You can talk outloud while you're walking alone.

You can smile at nothingness.

You can ask your group member if he really cares that much about what your professor wears. (He'll say he does, and look at you like you're crazy, but he just might shut up about it!)

You can spin around in circles whenever you want. :)

Have a nice day!

This is hard to read on this background. I'll change it. I was just thinking how my blog is really serious and not so much fun lately. So I wanted at least a fun background. I don't like the transparency, so I'm working on it. :D

I'm so tired of people saying things like, "let me pray real quick." and, "for the sake of time we'll just pray real fast..."

REALLY?!

For the sake of TIME we're going to skip out on talking to the Creator of the universe who loves us and wants to talk with us?!

REALLY?!

I think everything else should "for the sake of time" to that.

He says he's a thug. He uses nasty words like it's his job. He brags that he has done laundry only two times in his life. He dresses like he gives no hoot for the world.

And he plays Pachelbel beautifully on the piano. Without being prompted. There are other things going on, nobody notices or gives him any attention for it. (I, in disbelief that it's him, wander in from the other room to make sure.)

This culture squashes us. Men aren't how they are meant to be and neither are women.

But we're in there somewhere.

Sorry buddy, if I didn't think you were thuggish before, I definitely don't think you are now. But you did gain yourself a lot of respect.

I always complain about how society objectifies women. But it does the same thing to men. It might not be as visible or as easy to catch. I hate it when guys discuss how girls look. But I do the same thing. It's disgusting.

I've been asking G to teach me how to see guys like He does. To see past what society says. To see past the stereotypes.

And wowo is he showing me!

I definitely can't play Pachelbel (or anything) that beautifully on piano.

a thought. glances.

Today I was sitting in my contemporary poetry class. I looked up from the notes I was taking and met the eyes of the guy sitting across from me. The room is set up so that there is a big open space in the middle and you can see the people across from you. I'm finding no words to describe this. Sorry. Anyway, I met the eyes of this guy, and immediately he looked away. Part of me thought to myself, "yeah that's right. look away." But then I was thinking about it, and I wonder, what is wrong with glances? I certainly glance at people in my classes from time to time, trying to make connections or wondering how bored they are, or just looking out of my curiosity. I sit in his line of vision, he sits in mine. It means nothing, they're just glances. Just watching, making connections, familiarities. It's true what they say, that you're always watched. It has nothing to do with you, really. You just happen to be there. You're something to see. You're human. Don't you do it too? Just glances, not deep or long stares. Those aren't cool, but I'm just talking a look here and there, to see how you're doing, what you're doing, who you are. I have no way to end this, it's just something I was thinking about today. So thanks random boy, for sitting in my line of vision today!

~P

Honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through this semester.

I mean, I'll make it, but I would like to have time for friendships and be happy.

Last semester I enjoyed the business. This semester I don't have enough time. This morning I overslept and woke up ten minutes before I had to leave. bad. bad bad. Mornings are quiet for me. I center myself. I ease slowly into the day. I need that time.

Every single class has loads and loads and loads for me to do. I've never felt this stressed. Physically, I cannot do it. I have to sleep, I have to eat, I have to get some time with friends. I can't wear myself down already, it's only week two.

But I really don't know how I'll make it through without breaking down every other day.

Really makes me want to quit school all together.

sigh.

sorry for complaining.

conversation with society. 1.

No, Society, I do not need you to tell me what to do. I am quite content. Of course, I could always be improved, but I'm NOT going to go to YOU for that improvement. But as I am, single, I'm content with that. You don't understand that word then. Content. I have peace in my heart about it. There. Does that convince you? It should, since you're always yelling at me to follow my heart. Oh what? My heart isn't normal? What do you want me to follow then? Media? I think you know even those who follow that part of you know it isn't right. My brain then? My brain never wanted a relationship to begin with. Oh Society, you know nothing about me. You never will. I'm done talking to you, I need to do more important things. But just remember, I'm not yours. You can't tell me what to do. I refuse to listen to you. Just remember.

P

I survived adolescence!

My respect and appreciation for J following guys has grown so much today.

They have a LOT of pressure too!

Thank you for listening to my J!

Keep on keeping on dudes, you're appreciated!

today was hard.

I am so exhausted in every way.

I know that just sleeping won't fix it all.

But I think that's the first thing to do.

Oasis was intense.

INTENSE.

G was totally there though.

actually, I think that's why it was intense.

girl shirt

Didn't know what to title it. I'm wearing a girl shirt today. :)

Very stressful week. But instead of focusing on the bad things, I'm going to make a list of things I'm thankful for this week.

1. good talk with Joan yesterday :) (I really appreciate her friendship.)

2. good talk with Emily over dinner.

3. Swing dancing was SO much fun!!

4. my craft of poetry class and professor.

5. I know three people in my contemporary poetry class.

6. I had a good spontaneous conversation at lunch on Weds.

7. I had a good conversation today at lunch with an acquaintance I hadn't seen in a while.

8. Spanish isn't as hard as I thought it would be.

9. God knows what He's doing. I'm SO glad I don't have to worry about this on my own.

10. finding the some of my favorite music on itunes. (and listening to it like it's my job :) )

11. a few hours of quiet on Thursday

12. the promises found in psalm 37 verses 5 through 7

13. the snow!

14. walking in the snow with Lara

15. eating more healthy than I did last semester.

16. my good friends and family who listen to my problems with kindness and patience.

17. french braids

18. that J is patient and His overwhelming love.

19. I know I already said swing dancing was fun, but I want to emphasize that I GOT TO DANCE! I LOVE TO DANCE! :)

20. that joy is a choice, and action, not a feeling.

So there you have it. I don't want to complain. It's friday. I have something to do tonight. Sunday is my birthday. No school on Monday. G is up to something... I don't know what... but definitely something. Ok I should rephrase that. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE IS DOING AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! But it's ok. There's a song by Sanctus Real called Something Heavenly. Kinda how I feel. G and my heart are working together and my brain feels very left out. But it's ok. He's in control. He knows what He's doing. I have great friends and a wonderful family and my G loves me very much. I need to remember it.

I hope you have a glorious day whenever you read this!

Love!

Mutemath- You are mine

Everyone has their obsession

consuming thoughts consuming time

they hold high their prize possession

that defines the meaning of their life

You are mine

You are mine, You are mine...

Found this song this morning.

Commit everything to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. (ps. 37:5-7)

Holding onto this for dear life.

vids

Two videos for you to check out if you have time.

Might have posted one or both of them before, don't know.

But I like them that much. :)

Her Morning Elegance

How To Be Alone

There you go. :)

twenty

(Ok, my birthday isn't for another twelve days. But if you look at it technically, that means I'm twelve days away from finishing my twentieth year, twelve days away from beginning my twenty-first year. So I'd say I'm close enough. Besides, I'll forget to post this if I save it.)

"Where whatever you like," my mama always says when I ask her what to wear to this or that event, "you're a teenager. You can get away with anything." But now I'm not. Do the rules change? Am I going to have to start dressing fashionably? Thankfully my grandmother sent me clothes money for Christmas, and thankfully my mama bought me pants for Christmas, so I didn't spend the whole check on pants like I usually do. (sheepish grin) I bought two decently nice girl shirts. (Imagine that) Then again, decently nice for me probably means Saturday clothes for regular girls. Oh well, I tried. You have to start somewhere, right? Now hopefully I will actually wear them on the weekdays.