time

on monday, i'm going to be in the las vegas airport for about thirteen hours. i want to have a good time.

my ideas:

ask people open ended questions. ex: what are you passionate about? what is your dream job? what would make your day fantastic? what good thing happened today? this week? What are three things you like about today? things like that.

practice my charleston! i could even make a little sign that says "lindy with me?"

make a sign that says "willing to listen" and sit in one of those plastic chairs and wait.

i want to be obnoxiously (according to the culture) but nicely, friendly. personal attention for every one i come in contact with.

i'm gonna have fun with these thirteen hours!

here we go!

friends are getting engaged/married/into relationships.

here we go!

always a struggle.

but it's
GOOD.

bold

tuesday, a student at my school died.
this morning, xavier, who i sat next to in math class, also died.

we worked on math together sometimes. he seemed like a really nice guy. sometimes i saw him walking. i would have liked to hear about his life.

sometimes, i think you have to be that odd person who is crazy friendly and legitimately cares about everyone. i want to be that person. i want to chase these people down and befriend them- or at least, offer my friendship. my acquaintance. my Jesus.

it's crazy to think. just last week, we were sitting there, and i was falling asleep... and i didn't have a clue he was sick.

i want to care about every one.

loves.

LP

“the ones who listened”

they said it looked like we had camped there.

well,

we had.

we were there

just in case you needed us.

and if you didn’t,

well,

we needed each other.

those broken lawn chairs held our stories too,

not just the ones we heard.

twenty-one beautiful people

somehow managed to create a family

with question words and lawn chairs.

and even if the ones I listened to

wanted conversations about chocolate milk,

or left after two minutes,

or cared more about selling company scams

than being cared about,

even if hours passed with no visitors to our corner,

I believe we are victorious.

even if the awkward role playing

and the referral training

and warnings about people who might cling to us

made us apprehensive,

victoriously, we heard each other.

we brandished our sweet skills

and made the usual conversations meaningful and deep.

and every time I walked away encouraged,

feeling loved and respected.

victorious.

thank you.

ache

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." -Ernest Hemingway

i can sit here, and bleed, (figuratively of course), but it won't help you. my heart aches for you. do you know that? 

because i am protected. 

do you know you are loved?

i feel things too deeply... imagining how deeply Jesus feels.

birdsongs - i would like to go home, or to a village in india, somewhere i can be completely alone, but for J.

in the woods and lie on my back in the grass and look up through the tree branches at the sky. and listen to birds. and just be. oh i feel so trapped here. (lies)

i think that is what heaven will be like. i think i will lie in the grass and stare at the sky through the tree branches, and Jesus will be there with me. and there will be butterflies and birds, and maybe a waterfall. and i can be there for as long as i like. 

mmmhmm.

sunday sunrise

                                                                             about 7:00

                                                                       about 8:00

beautiful sounds

God's kids worshipping Him together
bird songs
the sounds of trains from far away (or not super far away- far enough away not to sound like your roof is going to fall in.)

these are things that show me beauty.
made to delight in.

color five minute friday

five minutes. color. 

http://thegypsymama.com/2011/12/five-minute-friday-color/

You are my lavender. 

the colors of the rain, i want those. 

tonight i felt them again. choosing this. the feel of cotton in my mouth, and then colors. knowing.

the colors of cashews, roasted with honey.

the colors of this night with the almost full or fully full moon

purple post its scattered over my desk

red

yellow

blue. so much blue. 

reading about beauty, colors are beautiful, don't you think?

finding a brown bug on grey carpet. his colors blend. 

i want the colors of listening. i want the colors of joy. 

the colors of cold, i want those.

You are my lavender.

You are my gold.

You are my scarlet.

You are my lime.

so much blue. 

simple, the simple things. the simple shades. 

i know nothing of color, but i know some things of You. 

Sounds

today i did not listen to music.
not legalistically, my neighbors had music on, and i watched some television, so i heard some. but i did not listen to it as i walked to and from class, or doing homework, or writing.

it is wonderful to have a break from something good sometimes. i heard some music later because i was listening to this half sermon/songish thing, and it was even more beautiful than usual. i just enjoyed the sound of rain, and then the SNOW!

i recommend it. :)

la!

Do you ache for this too? (don't analyze. just feel.)

Rain

When We Float

Sunday

I think it is time for a new post. My heart has been so full lately that I haven't had any room for extra words. I still feel like I don't have much to actually say. It's like you'd have to sit here with me to even get a glimpse at understanding.

The wind is whistling so much, it sounds like an animal, a cat.

I think it is a feeling held only by aunts, or people who are basically aunts. It's a crazy marveling at life, and it's so overwhelming, but wonderful at the same time. I can't even put it into words. It's crazy love, and yet bewilderment. It's wonderful. so alert, so aware, alive. But inexplainable.

Everyone said it would be a "bad" winter, but it's currently 50 out. just creeeeeping in. I like winter though. I want cold weather.

That which God said to the rose and caused it to laugh in full blown beauty, He said to my heart and made it a hundred times more beautiful. -Rumi