3/28/11

List of Epic

I have these two cool friends. They have a list of Epic things to do hanging on the wall in their living room. There is also a blogger I follow (but not officially), and she has a life to-do list on her blog. And I am going to make one. It's not a bucket list. It's just things I would like to do.

I have 25 so far. :)

1. fly in a hot air balloon (I’ve been in one before but it was tethered so it doesn’t count.)

2. get some poetry published

3. dance with a stranger in a park

4. give something sweet and sentimental to a stranger

5. live somewhere beautiful

6. visit the European countryside

7. go on a safari in Africa

8. be an extra in a movie

9. learn to paint

10.have a whole conversation on the phone with a stranger

11.bake bread by hand on a regular basis

12.have a conversation with a stranger on some sort of transportation vehicle.

13.twirl around in a field

14.watch sunrises regularly in summer and sunsets regularly in winter

15.learn to cook

16.garden

17 be able to do pull ups.

18.100 pushups

19.have lunch with a homeless person

20.pick wildflowers and give them to a stranger

21.write poems for friends

22.sleigh ride

23.wear a poofy dress to the grocery store (more than once)

24.plant flowers in public places without permission

25.play the djembe in a drum circle

3/26/11

quotes

"I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable, beautiful, and afraid of nothing as though I had wings." -Mary Oliver

"When G moves us out of our comfort zones- into places that are way bigger than us, places that are difficult, hard, painful- that even hurt- this is a gift. We are being given a gift. These hard places give us the gift of intimately knowing G in ways that would never be possible in our comfort zones." (got this off a website/blog who got it from a pastor)

"hearts unfold like flowers before thee opening to the sun above..." -Ode to Joy!

"Catch fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn." -John Wesley

"My beloved spoke and said to me, 'Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of spring has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.'" (Song of Songs 2)

"Further up! Further in!" -Aslan

(Thank you to my friends who have provided me with some of these quotes. :) )

3/22/11

LIFTS!

Today during swing dancing we did LIFTS! ok so it was really like half a lift with a JUMP! I got to jump AND dance! It was so much fun!! :D :D :D plus, I got my giggles in!!
Happy Happy Joy Joy!
God is good!
love!

3/20/11

I am tired.

I am tired of how women are treated all over the world.
That does not make me a feminist.
I am tired of how, in trying to do a project on women's health in Latin America, a LOT of the results were pages advertising "Latin Brides" or beautiful women. Gross.
I am tired of my friends thinking me dramatic because I live my emotions.
I am tired of being afraid.
I am tired of not having a close community of C followers here. I know lots, but I don't feel surrounded like I did at home. Those girls are still holding me together.
I am tired of people (including me) wasting time on stupid things instead of the important things.
I am tired of being distracted.
I am tired of eating my meals alone.
I am tired of not having constant, meaningful conversations.
I am tired of not getting enough sleep.
I am tired of noise.
I am tired of people's argumentative responses.
I am tired of cynicism.
I am tired of people always wanting the realistic.
I am tired of course joking, and nasty words.
I am tired of boys.
I am tired of not talking about it to anyone who really knows.
I am tired of listening, of waiting, of walking when I long to run, standing when I want to jump, keeping my mouth closed when I want to yell.
I am tired of not responding to tragedy.
I am tired of assignments.
I am tired of this campus. Of sitting in my room when I want so badly to be off exploring or walking, with someone- anyone.
I am tired of empty words. Of saying I want to change but being too afraid to actually do it.
I am tired of this brokenness.
I am tired of people not getting it.
I am tired of not being JOYFUL when I am full of joy or SORROWFUL when I have sorrow.
Mostly I am tired of being afraid. Cause if I wasn't afraid, I'd be so much more.

3/18/11

what I wrote at lunch

I'll beg You till my lips turn blue,
till my knees break down,
till I forget my name.

I am sorry for before,
for when I wanted to hold it,
I am ashamed.
This is the
worst
annoyance and I'd rather be as I am!
stubborn,
not needing what they say I need
but trusting You higher than the books, the friends, the songs.
Is there respite?
Is there removal?
I want to hear. I want to listen sharp.
If you would clear my mind of this,
start this fresh.
How many years will this loyalty take to dissipate?
How many months till I see hand in hand, hold despair on my tongue and wonder... --"for how long?"

How many days till a friend gets tired of waiting and announces she... thinking me fine, my stubborn heart so strong, that I don't care.
How many days till I am alone in this, and they are tired of comforting my agony and move in for their own pursuit?

Not that kind, but so much deeper,
so much more loyal. protective.

How many years till You tell him, till You show and he realizes?

How many of us will it take? How many of us will there be? How many more of those like me? Could we meet for lunch? for tea?

3/17/11

march 17

Today I am thankful for many things. This is the orange I am eating. yum yum!
Have a beautiful day, wherever you are!

3/15/11

I am God's girl!

3/14/11

want

to
just
be.

not always exhausted
not stressed
not afraid

to live like I write.

3/11/11

response to earthquake

Christ is risen from the dead,
we are one with Him again!
come awake, come awake, come and rise up from the grave!

oh, death, where is your sting?
oh, hell, where is your victory?

oh Church, come stand in the Light!
the Glory of God has defeated the night!

oh church, come stand in the Light
our God is not dead, He's alive! He's alive!
(Christ is Risen, Matt Maher)

Jai Jai Yeshu Jai Jai Ho!
(Aradhna)

That is my response. My God is not dead, He's alive, He's alive!


3/10/11

They say change doesn’t happen over night.

They also say follow your heart, as if your heart is infallible. As if your heart knows the future, or what you really need, or what the other party feels about you.

They say you’ll find someone perfect. Does that mean you are perfect for someone? Do your flaws suddenly disappear?

They say what’s meant to be will be. They say your happily ever after will come. What about war? What about disease? Hardships?

They say those who mind don’t matter. What if the whole world minds?

They say you need a job that pays well. Security. A big car, a big house, a big grocery store.

They say you’d look so good if you’d only… and you get such a list you can’t even keep up with it all.

They say God bless America, when obviously He already has. Immensely.

They say winter is gloomy and cold weather is horrible. They say rain is bad but they like flowers. They like the green of summer. Without rain, there are no flowers. Put on some galoshes and deal with it gladly.

They say you need to have written goals.

They say you can do anything you want to do, unless that is something that doesn’t pay much, or something far away, or something you need to be alone for.

They say “good” is an acceptable response to questions.

They say speed limits are suggestions, and that you should go at least five over, unless you are driving in Terrace Park. Only then should you not pass the limit.

They say not to care what others think. Why all the fads then? Why the wrinkle creams? Why the smelly stuff? You can say over and over that you do it for yourself. But if you were the only person on earth would you bother fixing your beautiful laugh wrinkles?

They say be yourself, and then get in your face with images of what you want, what you need.

They say you should only rely on yourself. That no one knows what is best for you but you.

They say you are powerful, you are valuable, you are something special. But your clothes are the wrong shapes and colors and your hair has too many split ends and maybe you should get a pair of these shoes while you’re at it and you should smell like this and you should definitely watch this movie and read that book on some electronic device and join that club…

I refuse to believe it anymore. I refuse to put up with it. I refuse to sit passively by while these things are shouted at me.

Change doesn’t happen over night. That is my excuse. One little step at a time, they say. But you don’t learn to swim by putting one toe in at a time.

So let’s go. I want to do this.

This is not meant to be depressing. I had these thoughts meandering about in my head and I had to get them out. And what better time to force them out than late at night? Everything here is my opinion, so please no one be offended. (It does make me slightly sad that I have to write this, but oh well.)

3/9/11

“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.


Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.


She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.


Buy her another cup of coffee.


Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.


It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.


She has to give it a shot somehow.


Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.


Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.


Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.


If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.


You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.


You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.


Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.


Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”


— Rosemary Urquico

3/8/11

being a silly girl

Half of me wants to go find him and say "I'm madly in love with you and I don't even know you." (Though that's not entirely true on either part, but it sounds good, and it's true enough.) And he, being the gentleman he is, will give me a half smile as he takes a few steps back. He'll say something sympathetic and be very polite about it. (Only inside his head will he let himself wonder at what a freak I am.) And then he'll walk away and I'll never see him again. And I'll get over it.

But beyond that being a stupid idea, and not being brave enough, it would probably upset him. And I don't want to do that.

Oh how hard it is to be this girl I am!

I don't think this is at all how Lucy would act or think.

3/5/11

like my life

mmm. I like my life.

I am so glad I never dated in high school. I was looking at my neighbor's pictures on facebook. She looks so young!

I am so glad I never gave in to the pressure to look good, cute, wear all the right clothes, put all the right bumps in my hair, etc.

mmm I like this me.

3/3/11

so hard when you surrender it and it doesn't go away.


Jumbled

for the first time in my life, I have what I want. truly.

and then other things get thrown in, and they mean nothing to me. I feel as if I should want them, feel as if I should care, but I really don't.

and then I'm stuck, between being distracted, and loving what I have, and wondering what is good and what is better, and what is not as good.


I always thought this would be the arrival, but there is still so long to go.


every part of me wants only Jesus. My heart, my mind, my soul, my imagination, every part of me wants only Jesus. And society is taunting me. It's not temptation, I don't WANT it! But the values and thoughts of the world are trying so hard to convince me otherwise.


Stop distracting me! I have what I want!


reasons, I want my reasons to be faith. to be loyalty.

3/2/11

I need a big change. I'm so bored and restless.

like a tattoo.

... that's the only exciting thing I can think of that I could actually do.
How effective is removing distraction when you're trying to get rid of it long term?

(does that make ANY sense?)