thought

every person does not want to be a bother.

Think about it.

People don't do things because they are afraid they're being a bother. Afraid they're being annoying. Because they don't want to go past the boundaries of how often they can say hello without being annoying.

I know this is a fact. I don't want to be a bother, I've had many, many other people tell me they don't want to be a bother. I've often wondered if I am a bother.

It's like, a human messed up broken problem we ALL have.

nice we ALL have it together, but golly wolly, it really does create problems for relationships!!!

this blog is going nowhere.

i've got big drops of sweat rolling into my eyes

my trip to kroger was slightly traumatic

and i'm in a rip-snorting bad mood.

pms?

stinks.

and tonight we're going to watch hachi.

about the loyal dog in Japan~ i think..

and i want to try this chatspeak crap. writing-like-i-don't-know-how-to-write

it smells good outside... there's some delightful food smell wafting into my window.

i'm going to live somewhere COLDER. maine, alaska, Newfoundland perhaps.

so. summary.

bad mood

bad day

hot

cold place

pms.

great.

who'd want to read that?

not

me.

bye.

"You have beautiful legs. Let's keep them covered." said to someone dear to me, and I LOVE it!

ohhh yeah, that's what's supposed to happen. :)

hehe I'm a weird one all right. :D

Goods

My hairs are nice today. siiiilky.

I got to see my friend!

---> and family friends too!

It was sunny, and not as humid as it has been.

I finished two of the books I was reading. (The Yada Yada Prayer Group and The Road of Lost Innocence.)

I had an interview... they don't need me, but the manager was very kind, and I got to tell him about my passion. :D (That is all that matters.)

Tomorrow...

I wash the front porch and mow the back yard.

blehk.

But then there is a block party down town... which I may walk to.

This week went so fast.

Crap t.v. for the week: Losing it with Jillian. A few clips actually made me cry... which I normally don't do for cheese television.

oh, and I loooove (no sarcasm here) driving on less traffic, curvy, hilly, foresty roads. love love love.

have a good one. whatever day it is when you stumble on this blog.

what i have

this classical music might make me cry.

i can't figure out what it is, my itunes mixed the titles all up. but whatever it is, it is

GORGEOUS

i'm in love.

love

love

love

it was sad/calm and now it is cheerful but still calm...

it is good for tonight.

calm.

what i need

the words have not come.

busy blog reading

I've been so busy reading other blogs that I haven't updated mine. :)

Well. two things.

Happy Fathers' Day!!!

and

A person was carrying a very heavy red leather suitcase. When opened, it contained nothing but a blank sheet of paper.

-Moroccan Folktale {found in Naomi Shihab Nye's book Red Suitcase}

I love that. I so relate.

What's your passion?

summer epiphany

Tonight I got to skype with some very dear, almost long lost friends. It was amazing. I also had fondue with some other friends earlier. Later this week I'm going window shopping with another friend.

I don't have a job yet, but I do have very good friends.

Very good friends who I did not lose over the school year. Or, I did lose, but who are coming back. I missed them. But now they're -we're- back.

It'll be a good summer. If I can have edifying skype conversations or good walks to the river, it'll be a good summer.

I have amazing friends.

not something you'd find in a "Chicken Soup" book

Oh and a warning: I love commas. I use them waaay too much. sorry.

In fact, I'm not sure I would call it a story anyway. I think it's more like some thoughts. But if it is a story, it is not something you would find in any Chicken Soup book. I'm not going to ooze and gush that my first year of college was amazing, that it was the best experience of my life. Well, it was probably the best experience of my life, (other than international travel) but not because it was fun. It was a good experience because it was incredibly difficult and painful.

When people ask me how my year went, I usually say "it was a bumpy year," or, "it was... pretty bumpy." What I don't ever say is "good." One, no one ever wants to hear "good" as an answer to a question unless they didn't really want to ask the question in the first place; and two, I don't want to lie.

The best advice I got before I went was "Don't worry too much about the beginning." So I didn't worry about it. I knew, planned even, that at least the first month would be bad. I even wrote notes to myself in my planner to remind me that it was still supposed to be bad. I knew that September, at least part of October, maybe even into November would be hard, lonely, homesick months. Plenty of people told me stories about being homesick for a long, long time and ending up loving college. The homesickness actually went away pretty quickly. It was well within my allotted time for it. Of course I still had days of homesickness later on, and I'm sure I always will, but that was the least of my troubles.

At first, I didn't have a roommate. And as much as people told me I was lucky, I wanted a roommate. I was extremely lonely at the beginning. Because of this loneliness, I made friends with whoever would talk to me. This was good, as I met a lot of interesting people from many different cultures from me. (And I don't just mean international cultures, I mean also different categories inside of American culture.) And meeting and getting to know these friends cemented my reasons for being at my school.

Yes, I am at college for further education. I am there to earn a degree and do something for the world with it. I am at college to become intelligent in one field and adequate in a few more. But more than that, I am at college to connect with people. I may not use Russian or Biology in my day to day life, but I will always need to be able to connect with people. I will always need to relate. Everyone, regardless of wealth, intelligence, job, or status needs people skills. What better way to learn to live with and around, to accept and connect with, to relate to people than going to college? My school isn't huge, but it's more than big enough to be able to better learn the skills of people. There are about 20,000 people there. That's 20,000 people each with different passions. What better way to learn about people than to live in a little "city" full of them?

That is what I wanted to get out of college the most: people skills. I wanted (and still do) to be able to relate to all different sorts of people, to find something in common, to have a friendly conversation, to be able to be friends with people very different from me. Well, you might be thinking, of course these things are difficult to learn. Of course you're going to go through difficult situations to get there. I agree. But until you are in the thick of it, I don't think you can really understand how difficult it gets.

This year I really realized how broken we ALL are. How the things we say affect people for a long, long time. That we really need someone to listen. (not offer advice, just listen.) I learned how hard it is to make good friends. How hard it is to prove to someone you can be trusted, that you even genuinely care. How hard it is to be transparent, when your transparency isn't exactly liked.

I don't know that I succeeded in my quest to connect. I think this is only the beginning. My year was bumpy. There were situations that broke my heart. (several times.) There are situations that have not been resolved. I learned a lot. I still have a lot to learn. I learned a lot about people- and about myself. This year wasn't a lot of "fun." There were days that were fun, there were times when I was incandescently happy, but in order to learn all I did about people and myself, I think there had to be a lot of hard.

I thought I was passionate before, but my passion has completely exploded... get your heart broken every few days and that'll happen to you. Or maybe it's just me. :) Either way, it worked. My passions are cemented. My reasons for being at my school are cemented. My attachment to those people is cemented. It was a bumpy year. It had to be. I'm thankful that it was. I learned a lot. The situations aren't all fixed, and my heart still hurts and probably always will to a point. My heart still aches for trees. But I am so excited for next year. I'm so excited to make new connections and further the ones I already have.

I'm so excited for the next bumpy year. :) I've learned so much useful information, stuff I will use every single day. :)

international shipping

"Are you music teachers?" The mover asks as he looks over 22 boxes of drums, a bassoon, a sitar, and a myriad of other small instruments. "I am," my sister replies, "and my husband is a science teacher, so there will be a plastic skeleton in one of the next boxes." And soon enough from behind the boxes his voice comes, "yup. I found the skeleton." Later the man finds a box of locks the school has asked them to bring, and remarks on the amount of books they're bringing. ..."WHERE are you going?" ..."For HOW long?"

aaahh the intricacies of international shipping. Oh the things you must learn about people.

YEAAAAH!

1. it is gorgeous

2. i got my license! (FINALLY)

3. my glasses came in! i only ordered them two days ago and they usually come in about two weeks! woah!

4. my sister and bro-in-law's stuff is being shipped! finalmente! :)

so. great day. :D

four eyes :)

well, I already have glasses. But I ordered some SWEET ones today. I don't know if they look good on me but I LIKE them!

they're purple with leopard print mixed with different colors on the side. They're wild. They're sort of my personality in glasses form. I'm not really a leopard print person, but these... these are amazzzzing. :) so happy day!

love!

Every day is a fight.

My soul is Xeric.

Harshly stifled,

And yet fresh, clear, clean...

Understood, I am.

Someday, eventually...

I can Taste the change.

Exciting, if I could only stop feeling so lethargic...

Decidedly brokenhearted, shredded, torn. because you are so lost so lost so lost...

But soon it will rain.

my joy will abound anyway.

though these things are happening, i will remain hopeful.

doesn't matter anymore.

my

joy

will

abound.

beat

djembe

and

aradhna

:)

barefeet

and

vibrations

ahhh it is so refreshing to not be able to play enough. usually I play for a bit and then I'm done for a long time. but this, I just can't get enough. :D