remembering

In March of 2008 I went to India to visit my sister and brother in law.

I got sick. I usually do when I travel.

One day we sat in a broken down bus for two hours and were breathing in all sorts of nasty gases. Later that night, I had some, uh, issues. (So did some of the other kids who were on the bus.) So it was what, three in the morning? And I had gotten up to go to the bathroom, and meanwhile discovered that I was going to puke. So I did, but anyways that's not the point. While I was puking, excuse the grossness of this please, I was filled with this indescribable joy. A song I hadn't sung since I was little and can't since remember filled my mind, and I sang it to myself over and over and over during that terrible half an hour or however long it was. I was making jokes in my mind about what sort of dying animal I probably sounded like. I was joyful, crazily joyful. I haven't been able to remember the song since then either.

As I'm getting ready to go to someplace new this Christmas, I'm being reminded that even if anything does go wrong, I don't need to worry about it, because without even asking J filled me with such wonderful joy that night.

laaaaa!

much love!

~p

I love my hair.

Dec 14

My room is messy today. I like it. I feel like it shows the world I have more important things to do than clean. I will have to clean later today, but for now, I'm enjoying it. It shows life. Someone lives here! Someone interesting, with bright things and lots of words written down on sticky notes, crumpled jeans on the floor, random shoes scattered around. I like it.

Today I walked to my exam through the snow and against the glorious sunrise while listening to the pride & prejudice soundtrack. GLORIOUS!

I love the sound of crunching snow. I love being able to see my breath. I love the winter breeze that makes my hair wisp around. I love the community that is created out of cold. I love smiling and realizing that my teeth are cold. I love wearing bright colored gloves and scarves. I love how I get some color in my face. I love the tingling feeling that comes after I get out of the cold. I love listening to amazing music as I trudge along, trying not to slip.

This day and I fit perfectly together.

also, I'm Miss Icicle! I'm Miss snow!

things :)

1. I was reminded again today how beautiful the shadows of bare trees against walls are.

2. We got our heater fixed today so the window is no longer perpetually icy on the inside. Of course, now that means it will be super duper dry in here and I'll get really hot, but anything is better than last year, yeah? (yes! we couldn't control the heat last year and I think it was on full blast allllll the time.)

3. I love having wonderful, soft music on and then forgetting it's there, and thinking to myself, "mmm, it would sure be nice to have some music." Then I go to put some on and realize there already is some! lovely!

4. I'm done with Russian!

5. I'm currently listening to music by Explosions in the Sky. It's a really good band. all instrumental. Right now the song is "Our Last Day as Children." Aw man. Most of their stuff I love.

6. There is snow outside :) It's so fun to crunch through.

7. I also love the sounds of the winter trees creaking and blowing in the winter wind. aaahhh lovely.

8. I got to study with a good friend today :)

9. I had a peanut butter and honey sandwich with a banana for supper. yummy.

10. This music makes me feel elegant. :) (so long, lonesome, explosions)

a think

My friends are watching Robin Hood, and I was thinking to myself, "wow it would be scary to live then." I often think about how I would love to have lived in the past, back in Jane Austen's times or during the beginning of America, but I realize it must have been incredibly scary. Then again, people would know the social norms and know the corruption and how to live around it. But then, where I live now is probably pretty scary too. And then I was thinking, or rather, am thinking, that people haven't change so much. Our hearts are the same. Or maybe over the years they've weakened. But we're still people. I've been talking with people about how men are not fully men and women are not fully women, not like we're meant to be. We were talking in the context of American men and women, like maybe this is just some facade, we pretend that we know what it means to be men or to be women, but do we? I don't think we've got it. In different cultures, the way women and men act are so diffferent. So there's my incoherent ramble for the day. I might add more. What do you think?

also, things I am thankful for today:

the apple I ate earlier

and the cookie

the cold weather

getting to sleep in

my warm bed that is up high and feels like a nest

tomorrow being Sunday

shampoo

warm socks

poem I wrote in about five minutes

(or less)

ON MYSELF, & THIS SITUATION I AM IN NOW.

on the surface:

bubbling and swirling,

interrupted thoughts, thumping

“beware of falling rock”

loud, ominous crashes

all around, surrounding

will it ever end?

but inside, peace.

calm, soft wind

light breezes

whispers, deep trust

fountains and trickling streams

willows and sycamores

geese nesting

hope for the end of this, punctuated with giggles,

peace.

(I wrote that very quickly. The goal is not for it to be good, but for it to be truth.)

The sky today.

The sky today.

The sun was shining brilliantly from one half of the sky, and the strong, elegant grey was standing equally as strong from the other side. The winter trees bathed in gold looked gorgeous. The air was crisp, and I was enraptured. :)

still am enraptured, in fact. Though now the grey is taking over and the clouds are underlined in pink and yellow and there are random blue spots popping up here and there.

I took loads of pictures.

Here are a few. Now, I just got a new camera and I was playing around with the settings. I don't pretend to know what I'm doing, I just take pictures for my own viewing pleasure. So I know they're not magnificent photos :)

I hope you are having a wonderful day!

This is the one of the last pictures I took. This is later.

You probably can't see the flakes, but it is snowing!

Again, probably can't tell, but any dark specks in the blue are snow flakes

I just like these :)

and I like you! teehee!

the ups and downs of being quiet

I'm more quiet than the average Mary Ellen. It took me a long time to realize, but being quiet is a good thing. Not being mousey, or mute, but just more quiet. I admit, I am more mute than quiet in a lot of settings, and I am going to work on this. But I want to list out some ups and downs of being a generally more quiet person than the average Mary Ellen.

1. You get pegged. Scenario: You're sitting in the backseat of a car and a certain song comes on the radio. One friend in the front says to the other friends who is driving, "we should probably change it. She probably doesn't like this kind of music." But just then you recognize what song it is and realize that you love this song! So that's what you say. "I love this song!" They both (well actually only one of them turns around to look at you in disbelief. The other one is driving) turn and look at you and one of them says, "Really? I wouldn't have thought you would like this." "Yup" you say, "I like anything pretty much. As long as it has a beat." They're sort of in disbelief but happy too, and turn up the song and keep driving. Something like that has happened to me sooo many times.

2. People assume you're academically talented. They assume you know all the answers. They assume you will cry if you get anything under an A.

3. People talk around you. They're not afraid to say anything at all, because I doubt they even know you're there, or if they do, you're quiet, who would you tell? So you learn lots of things about people around you. You know a lot of names, you recognize a lot of people.

4. You can scare your roommate. Today I went to the bathroom, then walked back into the room to get my dish soap, then walked back out to wash my glasses, then came back in. I was moving around, and when I crunched my trash down in the bag getting ready to take it out, and she just about jumped out of my chair. And then she told me I'd scared her because I was being so quiet. And then she told me that some days when we're both just looking at our computer screens for a long time she sort of forgets I'm there. (MOOHAHAHAHA!)

5. People assume you're shy. They assume that because you listen more than you talk, you must be afraid to talk.

43 Things

43things

That is a wonderful site.