two tragic things
too sensitive for words.
a tragic june.
you can’t let it have you
you can’t let it see.
how can your heart be torn
and the trees stay so still?
hold the sun in a photograph
wilted flowers steady in a vase
remembering the days we were little.
you can’t let it take you.
stand firm, my friend.
the sun does you no justice.
so many somewheres you are loved.
June 7
Let me start by saying this: there is one employee at LC’s who gets VERY stressed and yells a lot. I think that’s just how she is, but I don’t respond well to yelling. It’s hard for me to not take it personally. I have found that when I have worked with her, I have gotten very overwhelmed.
She was there. I was trying to steer clear of her, but she seemed quite happy. I was making pizzas (the first time they trusted me to do it) and she was putting toppings on. She was really talkative and told me she was high so she wanted to have a deep conversation. We talked about people. It was good.
I got to talk about Casa Hogar Mama Paulita with the manager.
Then we did a food trade with McDonalds. Such a fun idea. We gave McDonalds free food and they gave us food. So I got ice cream! at work. so fun.
Then the dinner rush started.
The LC promise is to serve every customer within thirty seconds. It sounds great on paper, but it doesn’t really work in real life. There is a rack of pepperoni, and a rack of cheese pizzas ready to be put in the oven. There is also a hot box in the front, which usually has a FEW of each kind of pizza in it ready to be sold. When you sell a pizza, you yell back to the people working in that back what you sold, so they can put it in the oven and replace what you sold out of the hot box. That way, the pizzas not only stay hot, but freshly cooked too. The oven is a conveyor belt. Sometimes, there will be a bunch of pizzas in the oven at once. Someone needs to be at the other end of the oven ready to grab the cooked pizzas and box them up. Sometimes though, (MOST of the time) it’s just me up there, trying to run the counter and box the pizzas. So sometimes, the pizzas get stacked up in the oven and they burn. So in theory, you sell a pepperoni pizza, you scream “ONE PEP” to the back, and the girls in the back put one pep in the oven, and there are always enough pizzas in the hot box. What actually happens though, is you have five cars in the drive through, and two people in the store, and one of them orders three cheese and four pep. People seem to get confused and think that every pizza in the store is hot and ready. If someone orders all the pizzas in the box, the following customers have to wait. When the drive through line is wrapping around the building, and people are inside, it gets really stressful really fast.
I usually get yelled at when I don’t yell for help. So I went to the back of the store and told the girls that I needed help. They just looked at me. ok. I tried. There were a ton of pizzas coming out of the oven, but I couldn’t get to them, because there were so many customers. But the customers needed those pizzas. Quite a few customers got angry. One woman in the drive through wanted a pepperoni pizza, and I told her she would have to wait five minutes. Then I asked her if she would mind (I shouldn’t have said mind.) driving through the drive through again, because people behind her where also waiting for things. I think it’s a stupid idea too, but I’m just the messenger, and that’s what they tell me to do. She snapped, “yes actually, I do mind.” So I said ok, and smiled, and shut the window. I don’t care if the people behind her all have to wait. But she pulled up to the front and came in the store and demanded her money back because she didn’t have time to wait. (Five minutes?! Most fast food places don’t have your food ready exactly when you walk in the door. It just disgusts me, the want for instant gratification.) I had to go to the back and find the stressing co-worker to get the woman her money back. When she got there, we’ll call her M, she yelled at me in front of the customers, telling me I can’t make them wait. But I had TOLD her I needed help. I didn’t have any pizzas out yet. It wasn’t my fault. I explained to the woman that people buy all of our pizzas and then we have to cook fresh ones. “Well I don’t have time to wait.” Ok. Sorry. But it’s not my fault. So M went back and yelled and threw pizzas around and I tiptoed around trying to appease angry, impatient customers.
Later, when it had mostly calmed down, I asked her what I should have done differently. Because somehow, every time I work with her, this happens. She said, “Oh, you did everything right. Don’t let it make you feel shitty about it. Some people just need someone to get mad at. Don’t take it personally.” REALLY?! THEN WHY DID YOU YELL AT ME?!!?? So either she yelled to make the customer feel better, or she doesn’t know what I should have done differently. So how am I supposed to learn to fix it?
A few other customers snapped at me, there were a few creepy guys, and then we ran out of pizzas. But that happens a lot.
But one day, I am going to explode, kindly, at a customer. Human beings run that place, not robots. So forgive me if I’m not perfect. I’m sorry if you’ve had a bad day, but you have no right to yell at me if you have to wait a few minutes. They’re not my rules. I’m a person too. I’M A PERSON TOO. I know Jesus would never explode. (That’s in a random spot, I know, but I was thinking about it while I was trying to calm down.)
It’s funny, in a sad way, that if I were another customer, if I passed these angry people on the sidewalk, they would be kind. But the minute I put on that black t-shirt and stand behind that counter, I lose my personality, I lose my humanness, I lose my feelings. I become part of the company. That’s it. Just someone to go through to get some greasy food. Some of them ask me how I am. When did “how are you?” replace hello? They don’t care how I am. I usually don’t answer, because usually there is not time to answer between the question and them telling me what they want.
I am left feeling so fragile. I can’t not take it personally. Who doesn’t want to be treated with kindness and respect? I don’t know how to change the system from behind the counter.
I refuse to accept this system as normal. I’m a person too. Treat me like one. PLEASE.
