2/1/12
1/31/12
tragic
Something tragic happened. I'm grieving today, in hopes that tomorrow I can be joyful again. I tried today. But today is the sort of day the littlest things threaten to send me over the edge. I'm grieving the death of my friend. My friend who was failed by his society.
Perhaps I will write later.
Today was contemplative. Nothing else matters but Jesus and his kingdom.
It's so easy to get into a funk and try to solve it with other things. So disgusting. Today I feel rather disgusting. Good thing Jesus loves me in my sludge. (I mean, inwardly disgusting) It's easy to feel like I've got it decently sorted when I'm happy.
This weekend was so good. and zoop! Some horrible news and it all is sucked right out from under me.
I guess it's good, once in a while, to realize how good it is.
today I'm grieving. Tomorrow I will not give up the fight to be joyful.
Perhaps I will write later.
Today was contemplative. Nothing else matters but Jesus and his kingdom.
It's so easy to get into a funk and try to solve it with other things. So disgusting. Today I feel rather disgusting. Good thing Jesus loves me in my sludge. (I mean, inwardly disgusting) It's easy to feel like I've got it decently sorted when I'm happy.
This weekend was so good. and zoop! Some horrible news and it all is sucked right out from under me.
I guess it's good, once in a while, to realize how good it is.
today I'm grieving. Tomorrow I will not give up the fight to be joyful.
1/25/12
it's not about me
you know, we are really messed up. our priorities are really messed up. my priorities are really messed up.
four months ago yesterday i had to majorly reevaluate my whole identity. still, every single day i have to remind myself. every single day i have to stop myself from comparing. it is still a good struggle. but really, self? four months?
really?
four months to realize, every day, how i want my world to revolve around me.
i don't want it to. but so often i do.
you know?
1/24/12
1/22/12
Things that are on my desk (and my mind)
on my desk:
a water bottle
several to-do lists
math homework
a bunch of paper with random writings
Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. (My sister just sent it to me. I'm super excited about it.)
two mugs of pens and pencils
sweedish fish
mint mentos
a sweet duct tape orange polka dot flower hair clip that T gave to me
about a thousand post-it notes....
on my mind:
What I want to do for the rest of my life is not a job. By that I mean, there is no job (that I know of) that feeds these exact passions. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with a not so special job, as long as my dot still affects (effects? dangit) eternity. I will have books, tea, a window or two, hopefully a large dog to sit at my feet, and maybe the soft wail of a train in the distance. (I'm real flexible on that one though.) I will have people over often. I find it kind of funny, whenever I imagine my future, there's never a man. Even when I was little- especially when I was little, dreams of older me was never married. Who knows what God will do. Doesn't matter either way, I just find it interesting.
also on my mind:
I'm sick and tired of women being treated like objects. Wanting respect doesn't make me feminist. People don't talk about it either. They talk a little bit about media, but nothing about real people, friends and family being treated badly. I refuse to not talk about it. I posted something about it on my facebook Friday night and no one responded. I hope that means people read it and were too embarrassed to respond.
I want to be gentle this year. gentle, graceful, generous. But I'll start with gentle.
Last week I stayed off of hulu. (If you don't know, it's an web site that has tv shows.) It was really good. Well, until about Thursday. Then I got antsy for it. But I stayed off it until Saturday. No tv all week. I had so much more time. God really gave me time. A class was cancelled on Friday and I woke up before my alarm almost all week. I'm not saying He gave me time because I didn't watch tv. I'm saying that when I use my time for Him, He blesses me with it. Or, he did last week. I don't know what this week will bring. But when I went back to watching stuff on Saturday, I lost my focus again. I just wanted to watch unfulfilling television shows, when I know and have experienced real life. So I want to end my relationship with hulu. I think I will watch Modern Family, but that's it. I want to read books! and find music! and read the beautiful Old Testament! and spend time with friends! and spend time with J!
Off to another crazy busy week. Trying to stay calm.
"it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 peter 3:3-4)
a water bottle
several to-do lists
math homework
a bunch of paper with random writings
Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. (My sister just sent it to me. I'm super excited about it.)
two mugs of pens and pencils
sweedish fish
mint mentos
a sweet duct tape orange polka dot flower hair clip that T gave to me
about a thousand post-it notes....
on my mind:
What I want to do for the rest of my life is not a job. By that I mean, there is no job (that I know of) that feeds these exact passions. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with a not so special job, as long as my dot still affects (effects? dangit) eternity. I will have books, tea, a window or two, hopefully a large dog to sit at my feet, and maybe the soft wail of a train in the distance. (I'm real flexible on that one though.) I will have people over often. I find it kind of funny, whenever I imagine my future, there's never a man. Even when I was little- especially when I was little, dreams of older me was never married. Who knows what God will do. Doesn't matter either way, I just find it interesting.
also on my mind:
I'm sick and tired of women being treated like objects. Wanting respect doesn't make me feminist. People don't talk about it either. They talk a little bit about media, but nothing about real people, friends and family being treated badly. I refuse to not talk about it. I posted something about it on my facebook Friday night and no one responded. I hope that means people read it and were too embarrassed to respond.
I want to be gentle this year. gentle, graceful, generous. But I'll start with gentle.
Last week I stayed off of hulu. (If you don't know, it's an web site that has tv shows.) It was really good. Well, until about Thursday. Then I got antsy for it. But I stayed off it until Saturday. No tv all week. I had so much more time. God really gave me time. A class was cancelled on Friday and I woke up before my alarm almost all week. I'm not saying He gave me time because I didn't watch tv. I'm saying that when I use my time for Him, He blesses me with it. Or, he did last week. I don't know what this week will bring. But when I went back to watching stuff on Saturday, I lost my focus again. I just wanted to watch unfulfilling television shows, when I know and have experienced real life. So I want to end my relationship with hulu. I think I will watch Modern Family, but that's it. I want to read books! and find music! and read the beautiful Old Testament! and spend time with friends! and spend time with J!
Off to another crazy busy week. Trying to stay calm.
"it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 peter 3:3-4)
1/19/12
darling
calm. I am more calm than I have been in a long time. heart calm. my brain is still racing.
it's 11:13. I just ate a lunchable and chocolate and practically a whole bottle of tea. about to go to bed. soo... crazy dreams and getting up to pee every hour? worth it though. crazy day.
zoe keating.
devotion.
protected.
generous.
graceful.
gentle?
words.
I could never pick just one. 'cept maybe darling.
apparently it's cold outside. 9*? it didn't feel too cold, but the sky was perfectly clear. stars. everywhere. and a respectable chap held a door for me. (always makes my day)
got the most beautiful compliment today. about people listening to me when I talk because I listen more. I think that's what I want most. for people to listen to me.
I mean, isn't that what everyone wants?
G has put you on my heart. if He told me to tell, I would, gladly.
goodnight friends.
it's 11:13. I just ate a lunchable and chocolate and practically a whole bottle of tea. about to go to bed. soo... crazy dreams and getting up to pee every hour? worth it though. crazy day.
zoe keating.
devotion.
protected.
generous.
graceful.
gentle?
words.
I could never pick just one. 'cept maybe darling.
apparently it's cold outside. 9*? it didn't feel too cold, but the sky was perfectly clear. stars. everywhere. and a respectable chap held a door for me. (always makes my day)
got the most beautiful compliment today. about people listening to me when I talk because I listen more. I think that's what I want most. for people to listen to me.
I mean, isn't that what everyone wants?
G has put you on my heart. if He told me to tell, I would, gladly.
goodnight friends.
1/16/12
happy
If you will listen, I want to spill my reasons for happiness.
today is my birthday, which adds greatly to my happiness but is not the biggest reason for it.
God is doing things. Great, beautiful, joyous things.
I have been super giggling. A God thing, for sure. I've been listening to "galaxies" by Owl City quite a lot and each time it practically sends me into giggles.
had lunch with some great friends.
getting to catch up with tons of people on facebook.
My mom sent the seaweed candies that I forgot to bring with me, and they got here just in time to share them!
phone calls from good friends.
GOD IS DOING THINGS!!
today is my birthday, which adds greatly to my happiness but is not the biggest reason for it.
God is doing things. Great, beautiful, joyous things.
I have been super giggling. A God thing, for sure. I've been listening to "galaxies" by Owl City quite a lot and each time it practically sends me into giggles.
had lunch with some great friends.
getting to catch up with tons of people on facebook.
My mom sent the seaweed candies that I forgot to bring with me, and they got here just in time to share them!
phone calls from good friends.
GOD IS DOING THINGS!!
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