How I know I'm not truly living

I'm alive, and Jesus has given me life, but this is how I know I'm not truly receiving this incredible gift and using it.

There are people playing beautiful African drums in the park outside my window. They're pretty far away, but I can hear every beat. It's absolutely amazing. I almost want them to stop, because it almost hurts that I'm not living like that. I want to be part of something like that. I want to be the drum, the sunset, the beat. Take that poetically if you want. But I kind of mean it literally. When I used to drive through the woods for cello lessons, I thought about being in there, part of that nature, instead of being outside of it, forced to look in and try not to ruin it. I want to be part of that beauty, that life. I know I am, through Jesus, and I know when I get to Heaven to be with Him forever, that will be fully realized and I will become who I am completely. But for now, there is such an aching within me whenever I hear, see, feel, experience anything so beautiful, so full of life- like this music. I want so desperately to be a part of that life. 


So I sit here, aching, because something stunningly gorgeous is happening outside, and I am stuck.

This isn't meant to be depressing at all. I know who I am. I am a daughter of the Most High King. I am content in that, and I am looking forward with expectancy to the life I am coming into, on this earth and off it.

I don't know if you've ever felt like I feel so often, this intense longing to be part of the sky, or the spring, or the drum beats. If you have, you understand. If you haven't, you don't, and that's okay. :)

Have a beautiful day!