fragile

today i am fragile.

like everything i am is going to come splooshing out.
i think that could be a good thing.
forcing me not to hide.

i have a math quiz. if i fail it, and probably even if i don't, i'm going to get a D in the class and i won't be able to move to the next class i need and i won't be able to graduate in 4.5 years. i'm pretty angrysaddisappointedfrustrated about this.

i'm discouraged
      disheartened
      insecure.
i don't feel good enough
and that is a
LIE.
i feel stupid.
         unworthy.


every time i look at my math i cry.
i don't know what to do. 
i don't want to give up,
and i want to give up more than anything.
it's frustrating to study for hours and hours and neglect other things and then still fail, miserably. 
6.5 out of 20. on every quiz. and i TRY.


i'm not stupid 
but i feel so much like i am.


(there's a post on incourage today that says she doesn't need whatever it is you were going to say. she just needs an Amen. me too. i know i'm not stupid. i just need an amen.)