Haircut!

I have known for awhile that I find too much identity and security in my hair. I am a people pleaser. The easiest way to find approval was through my long hair. On Sunday the 11th, I was sitting in the Union trying to do homework (ha!) and I asked God how I could be who He has made me to be, how to find my identity in Him. I had been feeling like I wasn't being who He has made me. (a story for another day) So I asked a dangerous question. I distinctly heard, "cut your hair." And I said no. I knew that thought wasn't from me, because I would Never suggest that to myself. (And I asked how short, and said no to that too.) And He said some other things that are very true and hurt to hear. But I learned that I idolized my hair. I found my identity in it. I was the girl with the crazy long hair. It was my security blanket- pretty literally.

It took me two weeks to surrender. I thought about it (more like it ate me up), ignored the subject, and then it came back. I talked to some wise people about it, and realized that He didn't demand it from me; it was a suggestion. (But I am slowly learning that when the Creator of the universe suggests something to you it might be a good idea to do it.) I asked for something concrete, and He gave it. Something to make me think of where I find my identity every day.

My heart wanted to do it, to show Jesus that only in Him do I find my identity. I want to be faithful in the small things. I want to show Him I love Him. It is scary, but I want to be pushed. I want new adventures. It's not to gain His approval, and I know He doesn't demand this. It's hard to explain. But my heart is full. happy.

It was suggested that we cut it at Women's Weekend. (I went on a retreat with cru this weekend- 50 women together for a weekend, it was absolutely wonderful.) I didn't think anyone would have the right kind of scissors. But someone did! So Friday night (actually I think it was very early Saturday morning), she cut it. Eleven inches, and then more in layers.

And surprisingly, I feel so beautiful. so full. It was such a lovely place to do it- surrounded by supportive community. It's a new start. fresh. healthy. It's rather symbolic. I'm so excited for adventures with Jesus to come! And my hair does look good. It will grow out, it's just hair. And I will grow with it.

On Saturday morning I went walking in the woods at the camp where the retreat was, alone with Jesus. And alone with Him, nothing else matters. And that is how it should be. I've struggled a bit with it. I'm nervous about people's reactions and questions, and reactions to my answers to their questions. Wondering how long it will take to grow back, all these things... It is not a super easy thing for me to do.

But I am filled with peace. And excitement! And love. I feel so loved. GIDDY loved. I'm so excited to learn about my identity in J alone. So excited for our adventures.

'Cause I'm God's girl! And this is our crazy adventure! and I LOVE IT.

growing as my hair grows. :)

Have a beautiful day!

(also, I thought I should include a before picture. It's not super easy to see, but I don't have a ton of pictures that are just me, with my hair down. so good enough.)