i know what i'm supposed to do.
thirteen dollars.
(or less. maybe free. but i'm terrified to do it. but what a life i could have if i did. if i actually DID something to surrender. if i actually took a step towards letting J be in control of my identity, instead of my appearance, or this culture, or my need for approval.)
the simplest things are hardest.
to just be. to know that i am loved.
to just trust You. You've never failed me before, why do i still have such trouble trusting?
to just be, where You've put me.
if i live what i believe, i don't believe much. especially not the simple things.
i asked Him what to do, how to start living like He created me. He gave me a concrete answer. and it is the hardest thing. i don't want to do it.
i want to want to do this for Him. i want to show Him my love. i want to find my identity in Him.
and it is so hard.
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