I need to sleep

Today was so beautiful. I need to tell, to write it down.

Pandora Radio introduced me to Zoe Keating, an amazing cellist.

I found out my school is offering SWAHILI next semester. totally taking it!

morning emails from my family

there was wind, sunshine, SNOW, cold, stars and the MOON, gorgeous weather all day!

saw the falcon or hawk, whatever it is :)

seeing friends in the union

Listening Post class was very sweet tonight

as was sitting at the LP itself.

sweet talk with T, and random conversation with some international students

Letter from Tbird!

good movie/conversation/homemade Indian food with friends!

As I was walking in the snow, I saw a girl walking the other direction, and we smiled at each other. I think she was not American. I said, "do you like snow?!" and she said "yes!" It was lovely.

Also as I was walking, I was thinking about how the snow falling softly around me was like a serenade from Jesus. In that moment, I was so happy. giddy. I couldn't imagine being any happier. I couldn't imagine any thing or person that would fill me with more joy. That is what I want. Wilderness with J. 

thanks for reading, you're great. :)

love!

meandering thoughts

so many somewheres you are loved.


facebook is a counterfeit community. I long for real community, surrounding me, where we are encouraging each other and growing together.

It seems all we talk about these days is children. I don't mind.

comfort sounds: airplanes flying overhead at night, train whistles in the distance, wind whistling in the window, the fridge...

Is it that easy? You just go home for Thanksgiving break and tell your mama, oh by the way I'm going to marry him.

praying my Lucy comes soon...

so many somewheres

some unfortunate things happened, but I realized I am so happy being single. SO HAPPY. Do you hear me? SO HAPPY!

Just J

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but today I am quite content, just as I am.

:)

The Technical Name

(Three posts in one day! What are we going to do with me! Sorry y'all, but it must come out.)

The Technical Name is Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. I've recently found, some way or another, quite a few blogs about babies with heart defects. Some of them have this. HLHS.

Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome is the Technical Name of the thing that took my brother. I think about him all the time. I have a right to. He's my brother. He will always be my brother.

I was born with a heart murmur. It makes me feel more connected to him, because we were so far apart.

They didn't have treatments or surgeries back then. They just had to take him home and pray for the best.

and I will always love him.

Ask

but i don't want to ask for anything fun today.
...well, i want to just really enjoy nature...

it rain stormed and then the sun came out just in time to set and it was stunning. there were two rainbows, though neither were very bright--- or maybe it was one really big rainbow. but either way, the pictures didn't really show up. but regardless i still saw them and really enjoyed. 

peace

I tell him I don't know what's going on, and I use my little brother voice, which is comforting to realize. 


and then later G and I come to some sort of understanding, finally. 


and at last, I go to bed with peace. 


Slow steps to knowing. Slow steps to life. 


It's these soft reminders that hold so much weight. The stars as I left the church last night, my sweet dreams, strawberries and lunch with ones I love. These soft reminders that sink most deeply. Hearing all these strong voices singing around me, and being free to cry. 


Starting to realize in my heart these things You try to tell me every day. I don't want to forget You anymore. 


But glorious news, my heart is starting to understand and embrace this. 
In fact, today my heart feels like it is overflowing. My love bucket is full full full- want some of it? I'll gladly share!


Slow steps to all this goodness,
                      all this peace.


It's not instant gratification, because it's way better. 


Not the end fix, probably, but a good start. a good slow, steady start. 


Don't rule it out.