march 17

Today I am thankful for many things. This is the orange I am eating. yum yum!

Have a beautiful day, wherever you are!

I am God's girl!

want

to

just

be.

not always exhausted

not stressed

not afraid

to live like I write.

response to earthquake

Christ is risen from the dead,

we are one with Him again!

come awake, come awake, come and rise up from the grave!

oh, death, where is your sting?

oh, hell, where is your victory?

oh Church, come stand in the Light!

the Glory of God has defeated the night!

oh church, come stand in the Light

our God is not dead, He's alive! He's alive!

(Christ is Risen, Matt Maher)

Jai Jai Yeshu Jai Jai Ho!

(Aradhna)

That is my response. My God is not dead, He's alive, He's alive!

They say change doesn’t happen over night.

They also say follow your heart, as if your heart is infallible. As if your heart knows the future, or what you really need, or what the other party feels about you.

They say you’ll find someone perfect. Does that mean you are perfect for someone? Do your flaws suddenly disappear?

They say what’s meant to be will be. They say your happily ever after will come. What about war? What about disease? Hardships?

They say those who mind don’t matter. What if the whole world minds?

They say you need a job that pays well. Security. A big car, a big house, a big grocery store.

They say you’d look so good if you’d only… and you get such a list you can’t even keep up with it all.

They say God bless America, when obviously He already has. Immensely.

They say winter is gloomy and cold weather is horrible. They say rain is bad but they like flowers. They like the green of summer. Without rain, there are no flowers. Put on some galoshes and deal with it gladly.

They say you need to have written goals.

They say you can do anything you want to do, unless that is something that doesn’t pay much, or something far away, or something you need to be alone for.

They say “good” is an acceptable response to questions.

They say speed limits are suggestions, and that you should go at least five over, unless you are driving in Terrace Park. Only then should you not pass the limit.

They say not to care what others think. Why all the fads then? Why the wrinkle creams? Why the smelly stuff? You can say over and over that you do it for yourself. But if you were the only person on earth would you bother fixing your beautiful laugh wrinkles?

They say be yourself, and then get in your face with images of what you want, what you need.

They say you should only rely on yourself. That no one knows what is best for you but you.

They say you are powerful, you are valuable, you are something special. But your clothes are the wrong shapes and colors and your hair has too many split ends and maybe you should get a pair of these shoes while you’re at it and you should smell like this and you should definitely watch this movie and read that book on some electronic device and join that club…

I refuse to believe it anymore. I refuse to put up with it. I refuse to sit passively by while these things are shouted at me.

Change doesn’t happen over night. That is my excuse. One little step at a time, they say. But you don’t learn to swim by putting one toe in at a time.

So let’s go. I want to do this.

This is not meant to be depressing. I had these thoughts meandering about in my head and I had to get them out. And what better time to force them out than late at night? Everything here is my opinion, so please no one be offended. (It does make me slightly sad that I have to write this, but oh well.)

“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”

— Rosemary Urquico

being a silly girl

Half of me wants to go find him and say "I'm madly in love with you and I don't even know you." (Though that's not entirely true on either part, but it sounds good, and it's true enough.) And he, being the gentleman he is, will give me a half smile as he takes a few steps back. He'll say something sympathetic and be very polite about it. (Only inside his head will he let himself wonder at what a freak I am.) And then he'll walk away and I'll never see him again. And I'll get over it.

But beyond that being a stupid idea, and not being brave enough, it would probably upset him. And I don't want to do that.

Oh how hard it is to be this girl I am!

I don't think this is at all how Lucy would act or think.