Thoughts for my brothers

These are my thoughts, and I am not going to justify them. There are always exceptions, I am usually not always 100% right, there are always motives I have that are wrong and motives others have that are noble. There are at least two sides to most stories. So, that is my justification.

Brothers, I want to be valued because I am a woman, your sister. I also want to be valued because I am a human being.

If you want to love me well, don’t just offer to walk me home at night, offer to walk me home in the morning, because you value who I am and because you want to know how I am doing, just because. If you want to love me well, don’t just be protective when you feel you have to be, or hold the door to be honorable. I appreciate those things very much. But what I appreciate more is when you affirm me with your words, when you affirm me with the action of walking over to me and asking me how I am doing—and then listening to my response. When you ask me questions and answer my questions, then I will feel better about letting you spend your time walking me home at night. Then, I will feel that I am not a burden, not a way to feel good about yourself. Then, I will understand that you are my brother.

You are respectful towards women’s bodies. I appreciate that very much. But if you want to love me well, simply respecting and protecting my body is not enough. I ask that you would be respectful to my soul.

I came into myself in a refugee camp in Hungary. The men were not respectful in the “American” way at all, at the beginning. And yet, by the end of my time there, I felt more respected by those men in that culture than I had ever felt in America. It wasn’t a perfect respect, and it was different, and it was conditional, and I can’t really explain it well, but there it was.

I can't speak for other women, but I just want to suggest that maybe maybe, asking a good question or listening or sharing an answer yourself might be a better way to love us than physical protection. 

I want to love you well, too. How can I do that? How can I respect your soul?