pain

sarah says pain is beautiful. crying is beautiful. because we carry this weight, crying is how we release.

suffering
is
allowed.

don't try to cheer me up.
i'm grieving.

it sounds dramatic and awful
but
it
literally
feels like
my heart got
ripped out and left.

and i know that
feeeeels,
doesn't matter all that much.
but it does.


can't focus on anything
i listen to crickets
and sad music
and look at my textbooks but don't soak in the words.

i need someone to just be with me.
SILENTLY.

i am allowed to need extra time
space
and silence.
i am allowed to hurt.

--

boys.
TURN
DOWN YOUR MUSIC.

my heart used to ache for maine. i could look at a picture and just ache. and all of my ache has been swept into this other place, willow tree and a barbed wire wall.