changing

My passions are changing. It's slightly scary. I do not know if this is what God wants, or if my heart is choosing to be rebellious. I'm not worried, it is just an interesting something to think about. And I do think I am allowed to think about it.

Example. My heart wants to live in some rugged, beautiful place far away. Some place that is full of life and draining. Some place that is not empty of meaning or spirituality or life. I think, if I am honest with myself, I am afraid of loneliness. Fear might not be the right word. But whatever the emotion it brings (besides itself, of course), I don't like it. It is not at all pleasant to be lonely, not at all comfortable. And I know I say all the time that we (followers of Jesus) are not called to comfort, but loneliness is one type of uncomfortable I just don't want to deal with.

But. I also want to fight against loneliness and emptiness. I hate being lonely. But I want to go into the lonely places. And when I think of lonely places, I do not think of the culture rich places I dream about living in, I think of America.

I remember reading once that people working with Mother Theresa, when given the opportunity to work in Calcutta or America, often chose Calcutta because of the loneliness in America. I can't remember the book I read that in, but I haven't forgotten it. (Also I can't seem to find the right version of the word- Kolkata or Calcutta...)

I am sure lonely exists in every city of the world, but I cannot shake the feeling I will live here, at least for some portion of my life. (I mean, I already do, have, but you know.)

I know. I still have time. No need to think about that far into the future yet. But I like to.

I'm not saying anything. I trust God. There is no doubt in my mind that my life in Him will be full.

His opportunities for my life are endless. I would love to work with victims of human trafficking, but even more, I would love to communicate to men that buying sex is not allowed, not okay. I do believe that every one matters. And I also want to get to the root of the problem, the hearts. Every one girl who is rescued is incredibly important, and every one heart that is changed is also incredibly important. Stopping the selling and buying of human beings would be glorious. And changing the heart of one person to fight the trade, or at least decide not to take part in it would be beautiful too.

I believe in going to the unreached people groups and translating Books and showing films in jungles, and giving goats and sponsoring children and teaching sustainable farming methods and teaching English and sermons and all that good stuff.

My passions are changing. It's not that some are going away and others are filling the place, but that my heart's desires are becoming narrowed, and clear, and perhaps even broadening. There are more opportunities, so so so many ways God can use me, and the end goal is incredibly narrow. Show them Jesus, give an opportunity to step away from the lonely, the empty.

Well, enough rambling for now, I'm going outside. I will probably come back and ramble more later. ;)
thanks for reading.