Three glorious sunset days in a row. Friday night was purplepink clouds fading into blue. Saturday was gold shining against dark grey, and then there was a HUGE rainbow, and then the clouds rolled away. And tonight, sunshine after rain after sunshine and now there is evening sun creeping into my room.
A Thousand Splendid Suns. Books like this remind me how blessed I am. To have a father who loves me just as much as Mama does. To live in a place that has been peaceful.
In a few days I will go back. All summer I had the romanticized view of it, the conversations with people and the spontaneous sunset walks... Suddenly I remember the hard things too, of which there are plenty. How can I make them less hard, see them differently? The dinners alone, the lack of nature like I love, the cramped room, very little privacy, the incessant noise... how can I see these things differently? How can I find friends who want deep conversations, meaningful conversations. It will be fine. I wasn't 100% ready to leave in the spring, even living in that place. The summer has definitely changed me- has continued changing me. I mean, the summer hasn't, G has. But the time period. Between this time last year and now, I am different. It might not show on the outside, but I am more calm, more resolute, more bold, more free. Not perfect, not finished, but started. It will be fine. I have a hideous but super cool jacket and orange pants bought for a dollar and a new bracelet. Not that these make me, but that I can wear them without your approval is a lovely step. (Though you would approve.) (You as a general term you know, not you specific.)
Anyway. I will go back and immerse myself in Psychology and battle the lies about my intelligence with math. I think it will be good. I'm excited. :)
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