comfort = with + strong

“The word comfort is from two Latin words meaning “with” and “strong” – He is with us to make us strong. Comfort is not soft, weakening commiseration; it is true, strengthening love.” -Amy Carmichael

This. 

Is what I want to do with my life.

comfort, hospitable, peaceful.

make food,

give back rubs

sit in silence

sit and talk

walk and talk

eat

drink water

simple things.

and together with ones I dearly love.

vulnerable and transparent.

big

I have a paper to write, a large paper. But I need to write this down first. I've wanted to write for awhile now, and every time I open up a new post I just end up shutting out of it again.

Several things. randomish. perhaps I will sort them into some sort of beauty later.

Thanksgiving.
I do not mind this role. I do not mind standing at the kitchen sink washing the china so my father can have a conversation with the Arab men in the dining room. I do not mind the back stage.

I have suddenly found in me a strong desire to live in a large city. Where has this come from? I find myself pretending I am walking in some metropolis, or the lights outside my window go longer into the distance. Hmm.

I am listening to O Come O Come Emmanuel. Many versions. Enya, Phil Wickham, Veni Veni, I love this song.

And I found this today too. Do you know the way you move me?

Lately I have been thinking about how God is much bigger than I think, uncontainable and indefinable. Any time I think about it, it overwhelms me (happily). That this vast being, who spoke to Moses and Noah, and became a man, the God of the stories I claim to believe, He loves me. He wants to be with me. It's absolutely crazy to think about.

Lots there, and I've been trying to live like that. Bold, courageous. Today He gave me an opportunity. It was easy, and the person I talked to did not reject it, like they inevitably someday will. But they were so grateful, and I was so grateful to be used.

And then one of my refugee friends messaged me on facebook. It is amazing to me that they still share their lives with me, that they still want contact, and that they use translators to talk with me. He said something- bad English aside, that sounded, (read) like "i wish you to bless my destination" (with typos hehe). I don't know exactly what he meant, but I wonder if he was asking for prayer... I don't know, but it was sweet.

oh, life

Today I tried to make real chai tea, but I didn't really follow a recipe, hehe... it's not terrible, it's not great. But it was super fun. :) This last cup I put in hot chocolate powder- bad idea. Actually, I think it was a great idea, it just didn't really work. It didn't add flavor, just made it lumpy and grainy. mmmm ;)

Then I walked around, an adventure I said. And on a whim I called my friend and she's buying me lunch tomorrow!

I committed to being single for a while- I signed a piece of paper in blue ink and set the dates and everything :) and I feel so freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

and now I need to buckle down and TYPE SOME WORDS!
(homework or novel writing, but I gotta do SOMETHING!)

May your day be filled with vibrant colors!

just stay

these days, they don't wait for my heart to catch up, they just run.

these days they don't wait for my heart to breathe to decide they just run away.

heart, 

please stay with me here 

where it is safe and warm where it is home.

dear heart,

please stay with me here

where you are whole.

please heart

please stay.

you are loved

but please 

please 

STAY.

i know you're aching

but this is for the best

dear heart,

please just wait here

you can still dance 

you can still sing 

you can still beat stronger than these broken khaki days

please just stay here

you can still have meaning here

and purpose

and make this place your home

please stay here 

and wait here

you're not waiting for nothing

you're gonna be okay dear heart

just stay

please STAY

dear heart please stay with me today

i'm here i'll be here with you 

this is where we are to stay

this is what we are to be

to day this is today this is not yesterday or tomorrow just today please just stay today

heart just stay today

just stay today

don't open up that door

you can open the windows feel the air on your face you can breathe deep mountain air

and the sea 

you can still swim and love and be,

but you just can't leave.

trust me.

we'll leave together later,

when he says it's time to go

but for now you've gotta stay

here

please stay here

these rocks are the same

and the sky is the same

and the sun is the same

and the love is the same

and his love is the same

so please stay

please come back to me heart

please come back to me

please come back to me

please

come

back

to ME.

please heart,

i know that this is hard

and you are impatient

but please know this is for the best

just stay here

you know she's beautiful

you know she's wonderful

you know she's everything that you wish you- are these things don't even speak 

if you can't be kind about yourself 

just be quiet

receive.

just wait

and receive

and love the one who loved you first

don't chase down the other one

don't please

please

stay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2b7lCZ2Kpo&feature=related

Remembering

A few years ago when I was wondering whether I should change my major, I contacted a few organizations that work to end human trafficking. I received an email from, I believe it was the London office of Stop The Traffik. It was personable, and the woman who wrote back said that I could basically do what I wanted. She said they had people with theology degrees, people with psychology degrees, people with no degrees at all.

What I understood is that if I want to help, there will be something for me to do.

I need to remember this, because it comes up again and again.


Stop worrying about it, self. There will be room for you, to help.

me

I'm living like my life is about me.

If it's about me, I'm right to be afraid of people. I'm right to hide, to not speak when I have words that need to be heard. If it's about me.

But it's not about me.

It's about the King of the universe.

And the way I am living is not fitting to represent him.

God is not disgusted with me like I am disgusted with me.

God will not abandon me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P--Sxx5VjN8&feature=related

bells
wind

this room is freezing.

God will not abandon me.

To avoid the weight of the world cliche,
it feels like the weight of a baby elephant is on my head. (not really, that's just a good image) but there are some things that are pressing on me right now.

no fun.


God will not abandon me.