the thoughts of sunsets

People are people, wherever you are.

I am convinced that our stupid arguments about politics, and our dogged opinions about things that don’t really matter, like tattoos and lip piercings come from a place in us that is empty and bored, and perhaps too afraid to truly try and understand each other. I think we will find that when we get outside of our comfort zones and try to see a person for who they actually are, outside of their culture, or what they do, or what they have done, or even what they believe, these things will stop being so important to us.

I think people generally understand this when they are thrown into a culture they do not understand, or maybe even agree with. I think the people in that culture, will understand that you do not fit into their culture, and I think they will see you for more than yours.

I think sometimes we’re afraid to go deep with people. I don’t know why, but I think we are. And I think sometimes we would rather dislike them, than feel for them. I think sometimes we forget that we don’t truly fit, either.

I was just thinking about this, as I danced in the window blind shadows, in a rectangle of sunset on my door. About people, and how people are so much more than cultures, or what culture they fit into or don’t fit into… and how sitting with someone, drinking juice- or not, and watching the sun go down, silently, is enough. No discussion needed… I think we understood that we came from very, very different places. And it didn’t matter at all.

I think, I want a tattoo.

chocolate chips and dancing

I am going to sit here and eat chocolate chips, and tell you what I am thankful for.

chocolate chips
three and a half spacious rooms to enjoy
tap water
dinner with a friend
walking places I need/want to go
the Black Swamp Arts Festival- and that I can hear the fun music from everywhere in my apartment
swing dancing- and the fact that we had nine guys and six girls! miracle!
being productive today- working hard
roomie time yesterday with lying on the floor and Mona Lisa Smile
the rain that finally came yesterday,
and how gloriously beautiful and sunny it was today!
and the breeze!
that it felt like fall
my honest, beautiful friends
the song "lions in cages" by Wolf Gang
turkish pants
sitting in the sun
having a balcony

Five Minute Friday: Graceful

Graceful.

today I sat for two and a half hours in a sliver of sunlight streaming though the window, through the curtain. in silence.

thinking of Mariam, and calm.

waiting for fall, waiting at least for rain.

and now, it falls gracefully outside my window. drops on the glass, making the train tracks dark brown. I like how I can hear individual drops fall, the pattern of drops landing.

and thunder, finally.

thinking I would like to hear Mariam laugh, gut laughter, the kind that makes your belly ache.

graceful, and I think Mariam.
and where I was thinking of her, just today.
and how meeting her will be with me forever.

this rain.

bright

The whole world seems brighter today.

...It's the first sunny day in several, so it actually is brighter... but still.

My parents came to visit yesterday- just left a while ago. They brought my flute, so I've already played that this morning, and a train went by, and some bell tower played ten bells for ten o'clock. There's chicken in the crock pot, sunflowers on the kitchen table, and Balmorhea in my ears.

Just, a better day.





...and now there is rain. but at least the sky is doing something, not just sitting heavy grey.
it is still beautiful.

there are crows right near my window, and rain, and it sounds like wild, sounds like life.

I imagine the way I miss Hungary, he misses his family a thousand times more.

maybe more than a thousand.

i do not blog about these things, not so openly anyways, maybe tucked in some poetry here or there. but i am just baffled.

he is not the things i want in a man. why on earth do i keep thinking about him.

driving me crazy, but not in the usual way.

i. am. not. attracted. to. him. physically or emotionally.

bah humbug!

bigbluewatertower

just. be.

Sarah said pain is beautiful. that it is allowed. that suffering is allowed. that American society doesn't let people hurt or suffer. 

let me hurt. i need to.

usually i find creative writing classes really boring. weird maybe, cause i have to write, but there's a big difference in writing and in talking about what someone else wrote. and though my professor for my modern poetry class is my absolute favorite professor, i'm usually incredibly bored in there. (i had her for a different class too.) BUT. sometimes, people get comfortable and start to spill what they really think and it is BEAUTIFUL. when people get comfortable in the not knowing, settle down for a good discussion. DELIGHT. 

I have decided that all poetry is spiritual. 

solitude, fragility, urgency, and emptiness.

and later i read a sociological article about social deviance, and it's almost enjoyable. and an airplane flies over, which has somehow always been a very comforting sound to me.

freshman year i could see the big water tower out my window, far in the distance and i loved that- it was the escape route, the highway, and i could see it. and now, there is a big, blue, pretty water tower just outside my window. 

and i'm wearing turkish pants.

and i guess i should eat, but i ate so many starbursts i'm not really hungry yet.

and i'm addicted to ellie goulding's "anything could happen."

and i want to dance- not because i'm happy, but because dancing is free. gotta get it out somehow. 

my friends are doing crazy cool things with their lives! 

like, woah, things.

!!

i need to unlearn my culture. or most of it. yeah.

workin' on that. 

just be