Day Two

I knew this semester was going to be the hardest yet. I knew I would have to battle lies of not being good enough, not being smart. I knew I would struggle with loneliness and feeling like being here is worthless. I didn't know it would hit day two. It's ok. I know G is going to do big things, and with that comes conflict. With that comes, quite frankly, war.

I know He has given me the ability to take these classes, and spend this time, and rest.

I know I am not alone, and when activities get rolling, I will have my supporting community back around me.

I know that this is where I am to be, at least for now.

I know that I am loved with an undying love.

It's going to be good in the end.

Goals

"They" like for you to have goals. So here.

Goals for the 2011-2012 school year

-Learn to seek approval from only One, and recognize the freedom in that.

-Spend a decent amount of time everyday with that One.

-Notice beauty

-Rest

-Recognize and renounce the lies that will inevitably try to creep in.

-Practice childlike faith: play, spin, skip, dance, etc.

-Learn to love people better.

-Always be thankful.

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. (Colossians 3:12-15 NLT)

Who are you alone?

Everyone (mostly) is terribly insecure.

Who are you beyond your knowledge, your books, your clothes, the things you are good at, your electronics, your car, your job, your music collection?

Who are you alone, outside? Alone, alone. Wilderness alone.

Do you giggle, or run? Or wander slowly? What do you think of? Are you amazed? Do you sit on the ground or do you stand? Do you find a tree to climb? Or are you on the beach making castles or collecting seashells? When no one is there, are you enough?

Five Minute Friday: New

It's Five Minute Friday!

Here are the rules.

go.

I would rather have something old than something new, mostly. I like my old jeans, my old house, even the old dorm I live in at school. Something used, lived in, experienced.

Another year. The place is familiar, but the people are new.

...I am new, and learning to love smells and sights and feelings that other people don't even notice.

Like the bugs. How many of them are new. Two weeks, a year? Their whole life is new.

I really don't like this friday's topic, honestly. New. One of those words that if you roll it over in your mouth it begins to sound out of place, weird and ugly. I don't like thinking about the cliched posts of others, though it is rude.

If there is anything I've learned, (or not learned) it is how to be mean.

writers' block for five minutes about one three letter word.

four minutes, actually, and I'm out.

new!

It was time for a blog switch-er-roony. :) Gotta have some variety in your life, ya know? A tree and sunset. About time to go back to school, I think it fits. :D (could be sunset I suppose... either way, gloriousness!)

~me :D

not a change

Every year I say to myself, this year I will change. This year I will become who I want to be. But I think, it is not a change in myself necessarily. The person I am is basically set. Maybe I will twist and bend a little here and there, but basically, this is me. This will be me. Of course, I will always be happy to have G change my heart, and there will always be things to work on. But I think my personality is pretty much set. And the things I want to be are already in me. I already marvel at the sky and trees and I already like to experience little things fully, like puddle jumping and chocolate cupcakes. I already like to skip and dance and frolic. I already like meaningful conversations. The things I want to be I already am, for the most part. I just need to be more of them. Just let them out. :)

Two posts in a matter of minutes

Friday's (8/12) subject for gypsy mama's five minute friday was beauty. I'm late. But I want to do it anyway, because I think I have something different to say. Here's her blog, if you want to read about fridays. So here goes. Five minutes, no editing.

Go.

When I read other women's blogs about beauty, and their silly complaints about noses that are too big, or bodies that they don't think are skinny enough, it doesn't make me feel any better. Their pictures are absolutely beautiful. Their pictures make me wonder why on earth wouldn't these women know that they are beautiful?! I can realize in the back of my mind that maybe, once upon a time, that might be me, beautiful but not knowing, but as of usually, the societal definition of what beautiful is creeps into my head and won't let go. Sometimes I actually feel beautiful, but reading others' posts about it does not help at all. At school they once had something called princess night. I didn't go, because all of those girls seem to have it all together. I know they don't, but they appear just fine. I don't want to listen to someone give some talk about being beautiful when those girls already are. So your hair is curly and you want it to be straight, big deal, there are bigger "beauty" issues. I suppose it is rather cruel of me to think this way, as my issues are probably nothing to many of these people, I realize this. We're all just one big mess, aren't we? But basically, those blogs with other women discussing their insecurities don't make me feel any more secure. Or understood. It shouldn't matter at all, and I know -- Stop.

*side note. I suppose I should be sleeping by the time the loud people come walking down the street, as happens so many nights after about 12:30...