BGSU year four

I should be doing the dishes, packing, wiping the dust from my dresser.

But I would rather write. Warm nights with the windows open seem to be fitting for that.

I'm not finished; I have a semester left to go. I realized recently that I could have finished, probably in August, if I had taken more summer classes. But I chose to fill my summers with people instead, and I am content with that. 

Oh, these four years. They've changed me. I'm at the same time angrier and calmer. I know where I'm headed, though I have no idea what tomorrow holds. 

The past year... going to Hungary- actually, the being in Hungary, the being in the refugee camp changed my life in more ways than I even know. God changed my heart. It took me all year to figure out how, and I'm still putting pieces together. So much.

I traveled over the ocean, alone, three times. 

I sat on a bench in a park I discovered in a tiny town in Germany in January and had a good long talk with my Creator. I spent a night with bad music and dance parties, just me and my Jesus in that hotel and then at four in the morning I sat down with all my luggage in the Munich airport and waited for the check in counter to open- well, first I got lost. But I found it eventually. And then ran through the Paris airport all the way from gate M1 to M44... went through security in Cincinnati twice because I forgot to dump my water, made friends with the people in line around me, listened to a girl in New Jersey talk about "the worst day ever," how her first flight had been delayed a few hours even though I had woken up in Budapest, heartbroken... oh adventures. Just me and my Jesus. It was good. 

My sisterfriend went across the ocean to Africa, and Asia, and now she's in Central America. 
And God gave me another sisterfriend here to lean on and be loved by. 
And a small (but growing!) community of people with passion for Him and His justice. 
And quality time with Lucy over Christmas break. 
And this lovely apartment, with Joan.
And the constant, sweet, and humbling reminder of who God is, how big God is.

This year was so hard. In my heart I was still sitting in the scratchy grass, annoyed by the ants, fire in my bones. 

God broke me down in beautiful ways, and surrounded me with beautiful people. 

Somehow it is warm again, summer is coming, somehow I am going back. (God willing) And I'll be back to this place again, another year to learn and grow and break and mold and morph.