I feel like you think I'm bland and boring.

The world will always hate me.

I think the problem is I've begun to hate the world.

Stop assuming you know who I am inside.

Stop assuming I'm bland like cooked carrots just because I don't cuss or make sick jokes or watch gory movies.

Don't censor yourself around me for MY sake.

Don't say empty things like, "aww, we love you" and then continue to disrespect me.

Don't say to my face, "we're waiting for you to leave so we can watch this movie." Hate to break it to you, but it's my room too.

Don't say, "three against two we're watching it." when you're in my room. you can watch that movie somewhere else. I am NOT having that on while I'm in my room.

I shouldn't have to find somewhere else to go to do homework.

Don't say you're in the presence of "polite company" and then clarify that that means me.

Don't call me a loser, even in a joking way. I like words like darling and dear, not loser and bleep.

Stop assuming you know me.

You don't understand.

You never will.

I have listened to Sia's Breathe Me four times in a row and will continue to do so until I go outside and blow off steam out there.

Times like these I wish I had a good friend here who would drop everything and just walk with me outside, quietly, not saying anything, or just let me be in their room. Or just give me a hug and understand. Or just let me cry and not ask a million questions. Or maybe I do have that friend. Maybe I'm too afraid to ask her.

Do I give off such a boring image? Do I act like a cooked carrot? What gives people the impression I'm so dull?

well yeah. that's my heart tonight.

Update: I went over to my wonderful friend Joan's suite for a bit and that was SO nice. It was wonderful just to get out of my room and take a good walk across campus. I didn't bring my ipod, and as I was walking back I realized how wonderful it was to just walk in quiet. So anyway, many thanks to Joan! (And Nicole for listening too!) So my day started well and ended well. All's well that ends well, right?