realize

I realized that, whether I like it or not, I fit better into American culture than any other. As much as it befuddles me, I understand it better than any other. I belong more in this culture than any other on this earth, at least for now.

And since I am inside of this culture, I have permission to change it. And it would be very difficult to change a culture from the outside I think. Since I know the rules, I am allowed to break them. And I realized that Imust break them. I realized the zealousness with which I have to live. Being inside of this culture, I am allowed to break the rules. I am allowed to change them. I know what the cultural rules are, and I know what people inside of them actually need.

I can't sit around waiting for someone else to start the work so I can walk beside them. I have ideas, I must share them.

Help me by answering this: What are you passionate about?

Help me more by asking a stranger the same question?

"soldiers don't get tied up in affairs of civilian life, for they cannot please the officer who enlisted them." 2 tim 2:4

blog plug

just like winter

friend's blog.

remembering

In March of 2008 I went to India to visit my sister and brother in law.

I got sick. I usually do when I travel.

One day we sat in a broken down bus for two hours and were breathing in all sorts of nasty gases. Later that night, I had some, uh, issues. (So did some of the other kids who were on the bus.) So it was what, three in the morning? And I had gotten up to go to the bathroom, and meanwhile discovered that I was going to puke. So I did, but anyways that's not the point. While I was puking, excuse the grossness of this please, I was filled with this indescribable joy. A song I hadn't sung since I was little and can't since remember filled my mind, and I sang it to myself over and over and over during that terrible half an hour or however long it was. I was making jokes in my mind about what sort of dying animal I probably sounded like. I was joyful, crazily joyful. I haven't been able to remember the song since then either.

As I'm getting ready to go to someplace new this Christmas, I'm being reminded that even if anything does go wrong, I don't need to worry about it, because without even asking J filled me with such wonderful joy that night.

laaaaa!

much love!

~p

I love my hair.

Dec 14

My room is messy today. I like it. I feel like it shows the world I have more important things to do than clean. I will have to clean later today, but for now, I'm enjoying it. It shows life. Someone lives here! Someone interesting, with bright things and lots of words written down on sticky notes, crumpled jeans on the floor, random shoes scattered around. I like it.

Today I walked to my exam through the snow and against the glorious sunrise while listening to the pride & prejudice soundtrack. GLORIOUS!

I love the sound of crunching snow. I love being able to see my breath. I love the winter breeze that makes my hair wisp around. I love the community that is created out of cold. I love smiling and realizing that my teeth are cold. I love wearing bright colored gloves and scarves. I love how I get some color in my face. I love the tingling feeling that comes after I get out of the cold. I love listening to amazing music as I trudge along, trying not to slip.

This day and I fit perfectly together.

also, I'm Miss Icicle! I'm Miss snow!

things :)

1. I was reminded again today how beautiful the shadows of bare trees against walls are.

2. We got our heater fixed today so the window is no longer perpetually icy on the inside. Of course, now that means it will be super duper dry in here and I'll get really hot, but anything is better than last year, yeah? (yes! we couldn't control the heat last year and I think it was on full blast allllll the time.)

3. I love having wonderful, soft music on and then forgetting it's there, and thinking to myself, "mmm, it would sure be nice to have some music." Then I go to put some on and realize there already is some! lovely!

4. I'm done with Russian!

5. I'm currently listening to music by Explosions in the Sky. It's a really good band. all instrumental. Right now the song is "Our Last Day as Children." Aw man. Most of their stuff I love.

6. There is snow outside :) It's so fun to crunch through.

7. I also love the sounds of the winter trees creaking and blowing in the winter wind. aaahhh lovely.

8. I got to study with a good friend today :)

9. I had a peanut butter and honey sandwich with a banana for supper. yummy.

10. This music makes me feel elegant. :) (so long, lonesome, explosions)

a think

My friends are watching Robin Hood, and I was thinking to myself, "wow it would be scary to live then." I often think about how I would love to have lived in the past, back in Jane Austen's times or during the beginning of America, but I realize it must have been incredibly scary. Then again, people would know the social norms and know the corruption and how to live around it. But then, where I live now is probably pretty scary too. And then I was thinking, or rather, am thinking, that people haven't change so much. Our hearts are the same. Or maybe over the years they've weakened. But we're still people. I've been talking with people about how men are not fully men and women are not fully women, not like we're meant to be. We were talking in the context of American men and women, like maybe this is just some facade, we pretend that we know what it means to be men or to be women, but do we? I don't think we've got it. In different cultures, the way women and men act are so diffferent. So there's my incoherent ramble for the day. I might add more. What do you think?

also, things I am thankful for today:

the apple I ate earlier

and the cookie

the cold weather

getting to sleep in

my warm bed that is up high and feels like a nest

tomorrow being Sunday

shampoo

warm socks