9/3/15

A Letter to Alyan

Dear Alyan,

Dear, sweet Alyan. When I saw the photograph of you on the beach yesterday morning, I wanted to run down to the field near the river near my house and have a massive, justified, tantrum. Please forgive us; we’ve failed you.

Once, when I was still a child myself, I sat under the stars and vowed to always stand for the children, to never sit quietly in a society where children were abused. Alyan, the whole world is this society now. Your government could not protect you; you had become a child of the world. We should have taken care of you. We didn’t.

I know a sweet boy about your age. He’s just learned to walk on his own, and often he’ll shriek with the joy of simply being alive. His smile lights up the whole day. He may be little, but I truly count him as my friend. Alyan, I would have loved to be your friend, friend to your brother, Galip, your mama, Rihan, and your papa, Abdullah.

Alyan, I know you are safe in the arms of my Jesus now. I know you are free of this horrendous place, never again to be alone or afraid. But I miss you, little friend. I miss your sweet heart. The world is not the same without your laughter. Even though your whole life was lived within a warzone, until your mama and your papa decided to try and take you to a kinder place, your laughter still sweetened Kobane, your sweet soul brought hope.

There are many people who say we do not have enough to take care of others like you. This is not true. God always has enough.

There are some who say we must take care of our own before we can take care of you. You are our own. We all belong to each other. That’s what I believe. I know it sounds idealistic, but the reality is, Jesus came to save us all.

There are some who say it is dangerous, to love. This is true; love is dangerous. The first time Love came, we killed Him, too. It doesn’t matter. Fear of danger never takes precedence over love.

There are some who pretend this is all political. Sweet Alyan, you are not political. Your short, tender story has nothing to do with politics.

I know that love is an action, more than a feeling, and I know too that there is very little I can do for you. I let my spirit cry out to the One who filled the seas and painted your eyes that soft brown. I cry for you, Alyan. For all the other babies like you, everywhere, who live in fear and whose societies have failed them. I cry for your mama, who never saw her children safe, and your papa, who wants to read his holy book over your grave until he, too, relinquishes his life. You have been cheated, friend, and no amount of “there is always a reason” will satisfy my soul this time. The world has wronged you.

You lived three years in a warzone. My past three years have been peace and comfort. I cannot fathom what you have seen in your short life. May your father forgive us. May he sleep, and dream of Love tonight.

Friend, I will not forget you. You did not die in vain. You did not live in vain, either. Your life had purpose. Your story has worth.

May you forget us quickly, but may we never, ever forget you.

Love,
Phoebe

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2015/09/dear-alyan-dear-world-with-a-refugee-crisis-dear-all-of-us-who-have-needed-to-be-welcomed-in/

8/11/15

Thoughts on Happy

I was chatting with a friend the other day and I said something- I don’t remember quite what, and my friend said, “well, whatever makes you happy, that’s what life’s about.” But I disagree. I don’t think life is about being happy. I think life is about living well. If I chased happiness, it would evade me. Happiness is not a material item. Happiness is not having more, more, more.

I believe the secret to happiness is gratitude, observing and then acknowledging the good in life. When I am grateful, happiness can’t help but come out and play too. I think Happy and Grateful are siblings.

A dear friend once told me, regarding an apple, “I feel like the stars are mapped on this.” That, I believe, is happiness. Observing the good in life, finding galaxies on apple skins.


Life is not about apple skins, but it is made rich by them.
I like flat out rejection. That narrows it down, and it's clear.

What I don't like is a backhanded "I don't trust you."

8/5/15

KINGDOM

This is the Kingdom.
A brother with a burden for women; a sister with a burden for men.
This is the Kingdom.
Potluck dinner around a table.
This is the Kingdom.
Singing spontaneously without instruments, just voices.
This is the Kingdom.
A slow-speaking brother, but when he prays, his words bubble out like a quick-flowing mountain brook.
This is the Kingdom.
When he stops singing the room erupts in claps and silence, both.
This is the Kingdom.
And when he tells his story, tears drip down Sister’s face, our hearts gasp, and yet he does not speak with any hint of anger.
This is the Kingdom.
He prays the American church awake, back on its feet.
This is the Kingdom.
Let me not forget this I whisper to the Spirit.
Our stories are vastly different: ten siblings, a once child soldier in Sierra Leone now a pastor, one who makes fine art, one who takes care of women, ones who open their new home in servant hospitality, the girl-child in her jammies, the brother who needs a job, the sister exploring her gifts, and on, and on, for always.
This is the Kingdom.

8/2/15

WINGS

I listened to this song ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMDN1sPJggo ) (Ólafur Arnalds, Only the Winds) about fifty times (give or take a few) and then I wrote this:

WINGS

I have danced these trails a thousand times
and each time, I dance with you
in mind.

If the ocean was more shallow,
the mountains less tall,
deserts less foreboding,

would you follow
the stars
to find me?

Would you breathe
in gentleness
beside me?

I will pick wildflowers
in preparation of your arrival,
and speak only of hope.

When you arrive,
I will prepare soup and
bread, hot tea,

And share this dance
my soul has kept.
The morning sky shall accompany me.

yes, I have danced
a thousand times with you
in mind

and I will wait
as long as it takes
for you to come to me.

7/3/15

Adventure!

I'm going by bus to Chicago.

If that doesn't sound like an adventure, I don't know what does. It's not just Chicago by bus- then it's a train, then it's a taxi. I'm a bit nervous, but I'm also excited to do this. I know that I can. Anyways, I know that God will get me there. I'm excited to prove to myself that we got this. It's a practice round; I'm doing something similar in Germany next month.

It's going to be an exhausting, long day… but then again, Germany's day will be much longer.

Let's goooooo!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_-cUdmdWgU (this is Chicago, Sufjan Stevens)

6/20/15

Desires

All I want in the world is to be settled. Just for a few years. Just settled. And curly hair. But my soul is in love with transient people. So I am transient. Just a fraction of the price they pay. Just a fraction of the discomfort.