choose to live in freedom.
choose to not live in fear.

eleven.four.

We walk
into the sunrise
into the cloudy sky
on a Monday morning
with deer
with bright leaves
and tall grass
and this wind
that wisps softly into my hair
into my ears
and laughs into my heart.

November Third

My early morning is cloaked in secrets,
of a soul's contentment in the sunshine
but not because of the sunshine.

We take communion in silence.
We sing loud, out of key and it
is the sort of choir I like best.
We pray in goosebumps and aching feet.

We beat the rugs together on the porch.

becoming free.
free-ing.
jubilee.

Forget Halloween!

Confession: I’m listening to Christmas music right now!

This is very out of character for me. I believe all Christmas festivities should wait until after Thanksgiving. (Maybe I’m changing!) Today it’s Halloween but I think that has nothing to do with it. It’s a glorious rainy day, and I want to celebrate Jesus! I don’t want to celebrate the season of candy canes and multi-colored lights, “Christmas cheer” or ribbon wrapped boxes, though those are all fun things. I want to celebrate the God-man Jesus Christ!

The world is kind of a sad place, and I want to celebrate the greatest joy- that Jesus came here and lived here and loves us and that He’ll come back.

So, I’m listening to joyful Christmas music. The real, JESUS IS HERE! kind of Christmas music. Like I said, I’m not out to celebrate Santa’s list or bells that jingle today. Who says I can only sing and dance about Jesus’ birth on this earth for a season?! That’s dumb!

Joy to the world, my friends! The LORD has come!!!

Taking the bus

I very often take the bus to Kroger to buy my weekly groceries. It is kind of a pain. Sometimes I have to wait half an hour for the bus to come to the stop, and then sometimes I have to wait another half or more for it to return to Kroger after I’ve finished shopping. If it’s raining, I wait in the rain. If it’s twenty degrees and sleeting, I wait in the sleet. I have to carry all of my groceries, vastly decreasing the amount of food I can buy, and sometimes the type. (I haven’t yet wanted to carry a dozen eggs home in my book bag.) With all the waiting, and the time it takes the bus to drive past all the other stops, I’m lucky if I get home in an hour and a half. Even so, I’ve found that the benefits of taking the bus to Kroger far outweigh the disadvantages.

It makes me slow down. It is a good reminder that time does not belong to me. It shuts down my impatience. I’ll get there when I get there.

I really enjoy looking out the bus windows. I don’t have to think about the road at all. It’s so nice to just look out the window at the life outside. Today raindrops raced in pretty patterns down the window and the trees were bright colors outside cute houses. It was lovely to just sit back in my seat and watch the world go by.

All the waiting is great thinking time. I empty my bag to fit the groceries in, so unless I call my mom while I wait, I just think. And that’s a nice break.

Today there was a couple on the bus from somewhere else. I’m not sure where, but the man asked at the bus stop how to get to Kroger and then his wife? joined him at the stop. They were very interested in looking out the windows and when we got off at Kroger they got a cart from outside the store, making me wonder if they hadn’t been there before. I like to think about how groceries work in other parts of the world. I like seeing how different people carry their groceries, and what they buy. People are beautiful, and when I’ve slowed down I can see them more clearly. We’re so similar, me and the old man looking at the brownie mixes. I always come home leave the store with a greater appreciation of the opportunity I have to love people. Everyone in that store has a story. It’s nice to meander the store alone, especially in the morning because the college students aren’t there yet. ;) It’s nice to just see people, really see them as souls with stories.

It is kind of nice practice for living somewhere else: taking the bus, carrying all my groceries, waiting.

Today it is raining. I’ve been there when it’s snowing and sleeting and winding too. I think one of the reasons why I like the less liked weather so much is that it clearly shows the fragility of humans. It creates a sort of community. One guy, coming out of the store, screamed several times, “I’m melting!” And the people around him smiled, and then smiled at each other. I like the reminder that humanity is fragile. 

Things I have learned.

The world is not a happy place. It’s just not. There are good things in the world, but live in it for a little while and you will get hurt. But it’s not my job to make the world better. It’s not my job to make the world understand. My job is to love God, and love those around me.

I am not in control of how other people will respond to me or any message I might give, and I don’t have to worry about how they will respond.

I am not guaranteed to be liked. I am given no guarantee that people will love me, or love me in return for the ways I love them. I am called to love God, and love people. That’s it. And those people won’t love me back perfectly. They might not love me back at all. It doesn’t matter. I am supposed to go to God for my love, not people. (I’m bad at it, too.)

“He said "Love...as I have loved you." We cannot love too much.” Amy Carmichael


”Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back.” –Luke 6:30

“Here’s another old saying that deserves a second look: ‘Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.’ Is that going to get us anywhere? Here’s what I propose: ‘Don’t hit back at all.’ If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, gift wrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.

“You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

“In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”– Matthew 5:38-48, The Message

People are people.

Cultural differences are pretty small, when you get down to the roots of why people do what they do.

Cigarette smoke smells the same in winter no matter where you are.

An offer of tea is always welcome.

Hospitality is the most beautiful gift.

In December of 2010, my family visited Syria and our plane out of Aleppo when it was time to go to Istanbul was cancelled. While my sister and mom went to talk to the airline agents, my dad and I stayed with our large pile of luggage. A family approached us while we waited, and using hand only signals and charades, invited us to their home to sleep for the night, as we all were supposed to wait until the next day for another flight. We did not end up waiting until the next day, but their offer of hospitality was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

I’ve experienced such beautiful hospitality during all of my travels, and even many times in this country.

I am young. But I’m not stupid. I know almost nothing about the world. I know a lot about people. I know almost nothing about people. I’ve seen a lot. I’ve seen almost nothing.

And don’t let anyone put you down because you’re young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity. -1 Timothy 4:12, The Message

Facebook is not for myself; it is a tool with which to love people. (This is a recent discovery, have some grace with me as I figure out how to change my behavior.)

When people don’t show others mercy, it makes me angry. (Which is good to realize, because though mercy is a gift God has given me, He hasn’t necessarily given it to everyone and they have other good gifts. I don’t need to begrudge them for having strong feelings in other directions from me.)

If it is offered, you can take it.

In some cultures it’s considered an honor to be able to share with others.

In mine, I’m not sure that’s always the case, but if they offer it, I am allowed to take them up on it. A meal, a ride, help, time…

…some things I have learned.

Warmth

church this morning was phenomenal.

there were 20ish people- including the babies. We prayed. and sang and listened and made jokes.

and then Amber came over and she made food and we did work. and eventually, others joined us. This beautiful place: warm lights, a rainy afternoon (rainy is an understatement), discussing and reciting POETRY, drinking tea, laughing!!! And on and on until now, 11:18pm.

I love this place.

I love making tea for people.
Love poems are my favorite kind.
I like rain.
I like to laugh.
and Jesus, I love him. He is so kind.

I made myself run around the house twice.
I live in a HOUSE! How lucky am I!

Also, this happened. SUCH BEAUTIFUL encouragement.

and this: