I can feel it in my soul
I can feel it in my bones
pry my fingers open
release these white knuckles from their grip
expose me to the wind.
my soul wants to run
wants to dance
the road is narrow but I will not fall off.
9/24/12
9/21/12
Five Minute Friday: Wide
Here's the deal. Sometimes on Fridays, I join with these bloggers and write for five minutes flat, no editing, and on whatever comes to mind regarding a topic. The topic today is wide.
start.
wide. that is these northern Ohio fields- corn and whatever else off into the East and West for miles. We walk along the trail, seeing far into the distance and never seeming to get any closer to our goal. There is no circle of trails, just straight one way and then we turn around.
wide. I smile wide inside.
a rain drop would be wide to an ant, or a young spider- what is young to a spider anyway?
I sit in this wide room- the computer cord stretched all the way across it- and listen to the tires in the rain, and the refrigerator, and a low humming I can not place, and wonder if my roommate is coming home any time soon, and try, try to do some homework. Statistics. harsh.
wide. a friday night.
a train whistle
a train, if you measure it that way.
one
more
minute
stretching across the clock
a leaf off my liberated bonsai tree.
start.
wide. that is these northern Ohio fields- corn and whatever else off into the East and West for miles. We walk along the trail, seeing far into the distance and never seeming to get any closer to our goal. There is no circle of trails, just straight one way and then we turn around.
wide. I smile wide inside.
a rain drop would be wide to an ant, or a young spider- what is young to a spider anyway?
I sit in this wide room- the computer cord stretched all the way across it- and listen to the tires in the rain, and the refrigerator, and a low humming I can not place, and wonder if my roommate is coming home any time soon, and try, try to do some homework. Statistics. harsh.
wide. a friday night.
a train whistle
a train, if you measure it that way.
one
more
minute
stretching across the clock
a leaf off my liberated bonsai tree.
9/19/12
9/19
There is so much
going on inside my soul, but I cannot get it out.
I want to scribble on the walls,
fling wide the doors and windows and huddle
in a pile of cold.
Run until my knees give out, at night and into dawn-
stain my hands purple with sunset and wildflowers.
I want to rip the pages out of this book
and make you eat them so you understand
the tired.
To erase my trail and melt back into yellow, European sidewalks.
I want to laugh with the cold wind and have it be normal-
to love the snow.
solitude-
no. I will not help you with this good thing. I am resting.
If the floor was made of linoleum I would let the rain in. Splash the puddles on the floor.
going on inside my soul, but I cannot get it out.
I want to scribble on the walls,
fling wide the doors and windows and huddle
in a pile of cold.
Run until my knees give out, at night and into dawn-
stain my hands purple with sunset and wildflowers.
I want to rip the pages out of this book
and make you eat them so you understand
the tired.
To erase my trail and melt back into yellow, European sidewalks.
I want to laugh with the cold wind and have it be normal-
to love the snow.
solitude-
no. I will not help you with this good thing. I am resting.
If the floor was made of linoleum I would let the rain in. Splash the puddles on the floor.
9/18/12
9/14/12
Five Minute Friday: Focus
Hi! It's Friday, which means sometimes I join up with these ladies (perhaps there are men too, I don't know) and write freely for five minutes- no editing- on a topic. And today it is focus.
and start.
I sit in the quiet, in the dark- well, kind of. (Day, but there is rain.) I try to focus on God's voice, because that is all I really want to hear. But other things squeeze in, some bird, some trucks~ it almost sounds like the city, but in this quiet, semi-dark room it is incredibly calm. I listen to the rain pound on the roof, and then it stops.
Trying to focus on what the professor is saying, but my mind is far from here. Funny, because in that place I was so focused, my distractions could gladly wait for August. And now, it's halfway through September already, somehow, and I've been pining away for some other place. Every day I think to myself that I cannot focus on anything except thinking about the summer. (And my excitement for winter to come, but that is some sort of uncontainable joy that I live with every fall. ;) )
And then the day becomes stunningly beautiful, and I have to walk to do my errands, pay my rent, and it is gloriously good. The day feels full. I don't know if it's because the rain or what. But my focus is nowhere near this day, and yet this day, here, in this town, fills me up.
and start.
I sit in the quiet, in the dark- well, kind of. (Day, but there is rain.) I try to focus on God's voice, because that is all I really want to hear. But other things squeeze in, some bird, some trucks~ it almost sounds like the city, but in this quiet, semi-dark room it is incredibly calm. I listen to the rain pound on the roof, and then it stops.
Trying to focus on what the professor is saying, but my mind is far from here. Funny, because in that place I was so focused, my distractions could gladly wait for August. And now, it's halfway through September already, somehow, and I've been pining away for some other place. Every day I think to myself that I cannot focus on anything except thinking about the summer. (And my excitement for winter to come, but that is some sort of uncontainable joy that I live with every fall. ;) )
And then the day becomes stunningly beautiful, and I have to walk to do my errands, pay my rent, and it is gloriously good. The day feels full. I don't know if it's because the rain or what. But my focus is nowhere near this day, and yet this day, here, in this town, fills me up.
9/11/12
For most of the important things in my life, I feel like God has let me do pretty much whatever my heart decided to attach to. Okay, not everything, but a lot of things.
Like missions trips. Mexico, I just decided to go, just decided that if I didn't raise my support, that would tell me not to. Or Hungary, I waited and listened and basically just asked God to close a door if it wasn't what he wanted.
Like college. I just picked this one because it was convenient. And then I almost transferred, but just, didn't. I feel like either of those colleges would have been okay.
I know that God has infinite options for any of these paths. Maybe my faith isn't ready for lightening bolts and thunder, or maybe God just hasn't chosen to speak to me in loud ways.
hmm... still thinking about this, but wanted to get this down.
Like missions trips. Mexico, I just decided to go, just decided that if I didn't raise my support, that would tell me not to. Or Hungary, I waited and listened and basically just asked God to close a door if it wasn't what he wanted.
Like college. I just picked this one because it was convenient. And then I almost transferred, but just, didn't. I feel like either of those colleges would have been okay.
I know that God has infinite options for any of these paths. Maybe my faith isn't ready for lightening bolts and thunder, or maybe God just hasn't chosen to speak to me in loud ways.
hmm... still thinking about this, but wanted to get this down.
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