Five Minute Friday: Focus

Hi! It's Friday, which means sometimes I join up with these ladies (perhaps there are men too, I don't know) and write freely for five minutes- no editing- on a topic. And today it is focus.

and start.

I sit in the quiet, in the dark- well, kind of. (Day, but there is rain.) I try to focus on God's voice, because that is all I really want to hear. But other things squeeze in, some bird, some trucks~ it almost sounds like the city, but in this quiet, semi-dark room it is incredibly calm. I listen to the rain pound on the roof, and then it stops.

Trying to focus on what the professor is saying, but my mind is far from here. Funny, because in that place I was so focused, my distractions could gladly wait for August. And now, it's halfway through September already, somehow, and I've been pining away for some other place. Every day I think to myself that I cannot focus on anything except thinking about the summer. (And my excitement for winter to come, but that is some sort of uncontainable joy that I live with every fall. ;) )

And then the day becomes stunningly beautiful, and I have to walk to do my errands, pay my rent, and it is gloriously good. The day feels full. I don't know if it's because the rain or what. But my focus is nowhere near this day, and yet this day, here, in this town, fills me up.

today it slipped out, almost unknowingly, "I like to teach."

oh...

For most of the important things in my life, I feel like God has let me do pretty much whatever my heart decided to attach to. Okay, not everything, but a lot of things.

Like missions trips. Mexico, I just decided to go, just decided that if I didn't raise my support, that would tell me not to. Or Hungary, I waited and listened and basically just asked God to close a door if it wasn't what he wanted.

Like college. I just picked this one because it was convenient. And then I almost transferred, but just, didn't. I feel like either of those colleges would have been okay.

I know that God has infinite options for any of these paths. Maybe my faith isn't ready for lightening bolts and thunder, or maybe God just hasn't chosen to speak to me in loud ways.

hmm... still thinking about this, but wanted to get this down.

the thoughts of sunsets

People are people, wherever you are.

I am convinced that our stupid arguments about politics, and our dogged opinions about things that don’t really matter, like tattoos and lip piercings come from a place in us that is empty and bored, and perhaps too afraid to truly try and understand each other. I think we will find that when we get outside of our comfort zones and try to see a person for who they actually are, outside of their culture, or what they do, or what they have done, or even what they believe, these things will stop being so important to us.

I think people generally understand this when they are thrown into a culture they do not understand, or maybe even agree with. I think the people in that culture, will understand that you do not fit into their culture, and I think they will see you for more than yours.

I think sometimes we’re afraid to go deep with people. I don’t know why, but I think we are. And I think sometimes we would rather dislike them, than feel for them. I think sometimes we forget that we don’t truly fit, either.

I was just thinking about this, as I danced in the window blind shadows, in a rectangle of sunset on my door. About people, and how people are so much more than cultures, or what culture they fit into or don’t fit into… and how sitting with someone, drinking juice- or not, and watching the sun go down, silently, is enough. No discussion needed… I think we understood that we came from very, very different places. And it didn’t matter at all.

I think, I want a tattoo.

chocolate chips and dancing

I am going to sit here and eat chocolate chips, and tell you what I am thankful for.

chocolate chips
three and a half spacious rooms to enjoy
tap water
dinner with a friend
walking places I need/want to go
the Black Swamp Arts Festival- and that I can hear the fun music from everywhere in my apartment
swing dancing- and the fact that we had nine guys and six girls! miracle!
being productive today- working hard
roomie time yesterday with lying on the floor and Mona Lisa Smile
the rain that finally came yesterday,
and how gloriously beautiful and sunny it was today!
and the breeze!
that it felt like fall
my honest, beautiful friends
the song "lions in cages" by Wolf Gang
turkish pants
sitting in the sun
having a balcony

Five Minute Friday: Graceful

Graceful.

today I sat for two and a half hours in a sliver of sunlight streaming though the window, through the curtain. in silence.

thinking of Mariam, and calm.

waiting for fall, waiting at least for rain.

and now, it falls gracefully outside my window. drops on the glass, making the train tracks dark brown. I like how I can hear individual drops fall, the pattern of drops landing.

and thunder, finally.

thinking I would like to hear Mariam laugh, gut laughter, the kind that makes your belly ache.

graceful, and I think Mariam.
and where I was thinking of her, just today.
and how meeting her will be with me forever.

this rain.

bright

The whole world seems brighter today.

...It's the first sunny day in several, so it actually is brighter... but still.

My parents came to visit yesterday- just left a while ago. They brought my flute, so I've already played that this morning, and a train went by, and some bell tower played ten bells for ten o'clock. There's chicken in the crock pot, sunflowers on the kitchen table, and Balmorhea in my ears.

Just, a better day.





...and now there is rain. but at least the sky is doing something, not just sitting heavy grey.
it is still beautiful.

there are crows right near my window, and rain, and it sounds like wild, sounds like life.