8/7/11

August 7

I did not edit this. I wrote it after we came in from the rain. I wrote it in a flurry of excitement, you know the feeling when you get really inspired? So I don't care if it smells like rotten tomatoes, it is an account of excitement. This is me, y'all. When the rain comes, and the wind blows, mmm I get so excited!

We eat dinner with our faces turned toward the sky. At first it is blue and then the grey clouds roll and twist and swirl in from the North. The big birds ride air currents sideways, swept across the sky, no need for flapping wings. We are rich- the ones who get to sit on our deck and eat fresh food and watch the sky dance and clouds bubble over with emotion. We are the first witnesses to the low thunder rumbles as the storm gently rolls South. We feel every whisper of wind across our arms and faces, no change in temperature is lost to us. We wait for rain- maybe it will come, maybe it will roll on by. We make a plan. You take the glasses, I’ll take the plates, all the while watching the most beautiful display of love and joy and power. And when it finally rains we gather the ldft over corn and beans and head in, to open windows and turn on the fans. We are rich- to have these windows that open to beautiful views of water pouring, to trees, to rolling skies and sometimes, to a patch of blue sneaking through. We are rich, to witness it all and the break of clouds that follows to sunshine beneath, and the exact moment the insects start conversing and the birds start singing into sunset. We, the witnesses of air, of glory, so rich.

8/4/11

poem

well, sad I'll miss out on the next Friday five. (going to a wedding! out of town.)

and a poem that has taken me hours to write and is still not finished on a conversation with a friend, and the sky tonight.

{this is a plea}
You make the sky sing.
You make the clouds laugh,
the wind skip.
the peace that comes from a
starlit night is Yours.

but all the beauty contained
cannot hold the panic.

i can't keep your heart safe.
i can't force Him to.
you need more than a word,
more than a laugh.

why are you so afraid of life?
if you knew
all the times
i've broken
for you and ones with you.
if you knew how many hours
spent waiting on benches,
how many hours
of frosty breathing
februarys.
how many nights.

if you could compare this
to all those i have lost,
you would not go.

you would not forget.
you are not forgotten.

tomorrow there will be some sky.
my anger will melt, somehow.
Your peace will fill me up, again.
and you.
you are so much more.

8/3/11

foul

I am pretty much in the foulest mood ever. On the surface I am gleefully happy. Last night was crazy fun, I got to spend time with wonderful people. But I am frustrated. It seems I am always frustrated at myself. I woke up from a terribly wonderful dream. I woke up and realized that it wasn't real, that it wouldn't happen in real life, and that is terribly depressing. And it was so wonderful, I can't seem to shake it. Then I thought running a mile might help direct my mind elsewhere, but it was storming pretty hard so we didn't run.

So I am frustrated. And I am finding that frustrated is one of my least favorite ways to feel.

The (in)courage post today offers me this hope: "But forget all that- it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18,19)

{por favor, papa}

8/1/11

She stared at me for awhile, and then, "I like your skirt. It's bright." A compliment from a little girl. That's what I want, to be childlike in those areas. Bright colors.

A dream to be beautiful in the purest way, like children. bright.

A walk in the woods with a friend who understands.

refreshed.

My family has great conversations

Today, my dad mentioned that he read an article about how if there are more men in a room than women, they act more aggressively, they show off more. So this congress stuff isn’t going to get fixed quickly. I got super excited about the article because I think it would be really cool to write something/make a documentary about males. Territories, and all that. I’d compare men with different animals and their male dynamics. Anyway, we were wondering about how it would work, and it almost sounds backwards, that with just men less would get done, but then, you don’t put all the bulls in one pen even if there are no cows there. Or roosters. You only keep one rooster in the pen even if you don’t keep chickens. So we were wondering if every congressman brought his wife, would that help the process? The article also says that they need something that is going to change now, like taking away their parking spaces. Then maybe they could change something.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2011/07/29/138802290/political-negotiations-also-shaped-by-human-psychology



7/29/11

Five Minute Friday: Still

A group of ladies does Five Minute Fridays. Gypsy Mama gives a prompt, and the assignment is to write for five minutes, and don't edit! I'm going to try it for the first time. Today the prompt is still.

Go.

Still. I am still distracted. After all this. I still want these beautiful things, forests and daisy fields. I still want to be better. I still think I'm not enough. Still. And then You tell me to just relax. Stop worrying about it. Just be. Still. And still I don't listen long enough. Still I don't believe You. Maybe I was made to want these things. Maybe we all were. Maybe the pine trees and the butterflies were made for all our hearts. Maybe the things we were made for are so much bigger than who we believe we are. I'm sure of it, but how do I still not feel that, believe that? Still I think of all these things that could never be, sure of it. And still you amaze me with things that should never be. Things I have said that you've directly made true. Things that have happened that looking back on, make me giggle uncontrollably (inside). Feeling still. Still feeling. Still trusting. I am still alive, with You. Still running. Still aching for beautiful things. Still watching out the window for the tomatoes to turn red and ripen, waiting for the plums to soften... Somehow I'm still waiting. Waiting still. Maybe that's the way You want it. Just be still. still be. A word with two meanings that somehow become so similar and linked.

Stop.

7/27/11

Grand

Today was great. FINALLY got together with friends.

Ran! with T in the morning, I made it almost half a mile before I had to stop!

dinner with friends and then we walked to the river and waded, and then we caught up on important things like guys and vacations. ;)

went to the UDF with daddy! (black raspberry chip)