a thought. glances.

Today I was sitting in my contemporary poetry class. I looked up from the notes I was taking and met the eyes of the guy sitting across from me. The room is set up so that there is a big open space in the middle and you can see the people across from you. I'm finding no words to describe this. Sorry. Anyway, I met the eyes of this guy, and immediately he looked away. Part of me thought to myself, "yeah that's right. look away." But then I was thinking about it, and I wonder, what is wrong with glances? I certainly glance at people in my classes from time to time, trying to make connections or wondering how bored they are, or just looking out of my curiosity. I sit in his line of vision, he sits in mine. It means nothing, they're just glances. Just watching, making connections, familiarities. It's true what they say, that you're always watched. It has nothing to do with you, really. You just happen to be there. You're something to see. You're human. Don't you do it too? Just glances, not deep or long stares. Those aren't cool, but I'm just talking a look here and there, to see how you're doing, what you're doing, who you are. I have no way to end this, it's just something I was thinking about today. So thanks random boy, for sitting in my line of vision today!

~P

Honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through this semester.

I mean, I'll make it, but I would like to have time for friendships and be happy.

Last semester I enjoyed the business. This semester I don't have enough time. This morning I overslept and woke up ten minutes before I had to leave. bad. bad bad. Mornings are quiet for me. I center myself. I ease slowly into the day. I need that time.

Every single class has loads and loads and loads for me to do. I've never felt this stressed. Physically, I cannot do it. I have to sleep, I have to eat, I have to get some time with friends. I can't wear myself down already, it's only week two.

But I really don't know how I'll make it through without breaking down every other day.

Really makes me want to quit school all together.

sigh.

sorry for complaining.

conversation with society. 1.

No, Society, I do not need you to tell me what to do. I am quite content. Of course, I could always be improved, but I'm NOT going to go to YOU for that improvement. But as I am, single, I'm content with that. You don't understand that word then. Content. I have peace in my heart about it. There. Does that convince you? It should, since you're always yelling at me to follow my heart. Oh what? My heart isn't normal? What do you want me to follow then? Media? I think you know even those who follow that part of you know it isn't right. My brain then? My brain never wanted a relationship to begin with. Oh Society, you know nothing about me. You never will. I'm done talking to you, I need to do more important things. But just remember, I'm not yours. You can't tell me what to do. I refuse to listen to you. Just remember.

P

I survived adolescence!

My respect and appreciation for J following guys has grown so much today.

They have a LOT of pressure too!

Thank you for listening to my J!

Keep on keeping on dudes, you're appreciated!

today was hard.

I am so exhausted in every way.

I know that just sleeping won't fix it all.

But I think that's the first thing to do.

Oasis was intense.

INTENSE.

G was totally there though.

actually, I think that's why it was intense.

girl shirt

Didn't know what to title it. I'm wearing a girl shirt today. :)

Very stressful week. But instead of focusing on the bad things, I'm going to make a list of things I'm thankful for this week.

1. good talk with Joan yesterday :) (I really appreciate her friendship.)

2. good talk with Emily over dinner.

3. Swing dancing was SO much fun!!

4. my craft of poetry class and professor.

5. I know three people in my contemporary poetry class.

6. I had a good spontaneous conversation at lunch on Weds.

7. I had a good conversation today at lunch with an acquaintance I hadn't seen in a while.

8. Spanish isn't as hard as I thought it would be.

9. God knows what He's doing. I'm SO glad I don't have to worry about this on my own.

10. finding the some of my favorite music on itunes. (and listening to it like it's my job :) )

11. a few hours of quiet on Thursday

12. the promises found in psalm 37 verses 5 through 7

13. the snow!

14. walking in the snow with Lara

15. eating more healthy than I did last semester.

16. my good friends and family who listen to my problems with kindness and patience.

17. french braids

18. that J is patient and His overwhelming love.

19. I know I already said swing dancing was fun, but I want to emphasize that I GOT TO DANCE! I LOVE TO DANCE! :)

20. that joy is a choice, and action, not a feeling.

So there you have it. I don't want to complain. It's friday. I have something to do tonight. Sunday is my birthday. No school on Monday. G is up to something... I don't know what... but definitely something. Ok I should rephrase that. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE IS DOING AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! But it's ok. There's a song by Sanctus Real called Something Heavenly. Kinda how I feel. G and my heart are working together and my brain feels very left out. But it's ok. He's in control. He knows what He's doing. I have great friends and a wonderful family and my G loves me very much. I need to remember it.

I hope you have a glorious day whenever you read this!

Love!