Interview with an IJM (International Justice Mission) investigator

It's about five minutes.

My latest...

Last week I had a Russian test. I failed. Miserably. Don’t believe me? 39%. I knew I would do badly, I just can’t get the stuff figured out. Studying for that was incredibly stressful and it just made me disgusted with everything to do with that language. Wednesday my friend and I both almost cried during that class. And then Thursday trying to study I just completely broke down. So Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were incredibly stressful with Russian. To make things worse, my Russian teacher has been very unprofessional in how she talks about the Russian professor I had last semester. I’ll be the first to admit she wasn’t the greatest teacher, but she was my teacher, and I really liked her as a person and I respected her. So for my current professor to be so rude I get pretty upset.

I’m also stressed because I have too many activities. Between 18 hours of school and my activities I have almost no free time. I’m either studying, in class, sleeping, or at one of my activities. I liked the business before, but now it is really starting to stress me out. I don’t want to cut anything out but I know I need to. But I don’t know what.

I really need to just go cry it out. But whenever I’m alone I get all giggly. It’s only when I’m with other people that I feel I’ll explode. It stinks. I need to let it out.

I’m ok though. I’ve decided I’m FINISHED with stress. (I know I decide that like once a week.) I know I will get stressed again. But somewhere in my mind I must remember that in the light of eternity it doesn’t matter. If it takes me seven years to graduate from college, it doesn’t matter. If I have to wait seven years to get into my field, it doesn’t matter. If people hate me, it doesn’t matter. No matter what they think of me, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t really matter. I’m TIRED of looking to the broken culture around me for guidance. I’m TIRED of pretending to be the same. I’m TIRED of keeping quiet when something makes me passionate. I’m TIRED of being afraid. And yeah, I can shout this out through ink all I want. That’s not difficult at all. No risk. I’m TIRED of not taking a risk because I am too afraid that this culture will reject me. I’m tired of being afraid of this culture. Tired Tired Tired.

wow that ended up being about something completely different than how it started. ha. doesn’t it always happen that way.

song

don't know where you are spiritually but I absolutely love this song. Here it is, if you want to listen to it.

Embracing Accusations, Shane and Shane

Have a lovely day!

PB&J

I want to be that which the world cannot and refuses to understand. I want to live with a joy the world does not know exists. I want to live in such a way that will inevitably get me judged, stereotyped, and disliked. I want to jump in the rain puddles at noon and skip when I am happy. I want to spin around, laughing at the night sky, giggly and laughing at seemingly nothing. I want to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in such a way that will make people wonder what has gotten into me. I want to laugh when something strikes me funny and cry when something strikes me sad. I want to marvel aloud at the grass and the butterflies and the velvet night sky. I want to live in such a way that the world will narrow its eyes and frown, and wonder what planet I’ve come from.

It is when I am this way, that I will finally be me, completely. and I will be happy.

weekend

I've been having a GREAT weekend. (Hope you have been too!)

Friday night my roommate went home and then I went over to a girl's apartment. (I had just met her the night before) She, and another girl and I played scene it jr. and watched She's the Man and then Titanic was on t.v. so we watched some of that. (UGH. That made me so sad!!)

Saturday I was planning on just doing homework but I woke up kind of late so I cleaned, called my grandparents, had lunch, and then I had a facebook message inviting me to go to a barn dance for internationals!!! That was SO SO SO fun! We did line dances, circle dances, and square dances. We had no idea what we were doing half the time and it was awesome fun! It was also in a really pretty place. It was at someone's house in the country and they have a really big field for hay rides and a nice sized pond. It was gorgeous and SO NICE to get off of campus and into someplace pretty for a bit.

Then when I got back from that I went with a friend to her friend's apartment and we watched Blood Diamond. SO SAD.

Today I went to church, had lunch with friends, called a friend, did some work, then went out and took a walk around campus and took pictures. It is GORGEOUS outside. No school tomorrow and then Tuesday I only have one this week! eep!

Hope you're having a great day!

P

Recent Excitement

Yesterday, a girl I had never met before approached me as I was eating lunch and announced that she was going to sit across from me. I told her that I wished I had the courage to do that. He had a good conversation. She is planning her own major in costume design. She plays the string bass. She asked about my interest in internationals and what I want to do with my life. She talked about what she has been learning in her economics class. It was a lovely conversation, and I am choosing to take her courage as a nudge to try it myself. It made my day. I am excited to try it.

Have you ever heard of 50 people, one question? They ask some thoughtful, some silly questions. Instead of asking people what they study, which is a perfectly fine question, I want to ask people thoughtful questions. I want to ask people what they are passionate about. Whether or not I am brave enough to ask that, let alone sit down with someone, is questionable.

The lunch event made me giddy. I felt as if I should skip. When I told my roommate this, she responded with the usual, “you’re weird.” And though it twinges a little bit, that she doesn’t (or at least doesn’t admit to) understand or enjoy my enthusiasm, I would much rather be weird than boring, or worse yet, fake. I hope that someday she will realize that though to the world I am weird, I am enthusiastic, and in my weirdness I am supremely happy. And the more “weird” I get, the happier I become. And I giggle more. There are few things I love more than being happy and giggling.

So. I invite you. Be weird with me today. Or tomorrow. Let’s spread the giddy weirdness all over the world. J

Happiness!

(heart), P

p.s. What are you passionate about?

Want

I want to be a freak in this society.

I want to dress and carry myself with joy and freedom.

I want to live in such a way that will indefinitely get me judged and stereotyped.

Though I'd love to go along with everyone else and say that what people think of me doesn't bother me. But I can't. It does. When I'm with other people, I'm bold and joyful and they wonder at me. But when I'm alone, I can't do it.

I want to dance and skip and say hello to everyone. I want my unquenchable joy to actually show.

... working on it. I'll keep you posted.