to be like Lucy

Oh and a warning: I love commas. I use them waaay too much. sorry.

In fact, I'm not sure I would call it a story anyway. I think it's more like some thoughts. But if it is a story, it is not something you would find in any Chicken Soup book. I'm not going to ooze and gush that my first year of college was amazing, that it was the best experience of my life. Well, it was probably the best experience of my life, (other than international travel) but not because it was fun. It was a good experience because it was incredibly difficult and painful.

When people ask me how my year went, I usually say "it was a bumpy year," or, "it was... pretty bumpy." What I don't ever say is "good." One, no one ever wants to hear "good" as an answer to a question unless they didn't really want to ask the question in the first place; and two, I don't want to lie.

The best advice I got before I went was "Don't worry too much about the beginning." So I didn't worry about it. I knew, planned even, that at least the first month would be bad. I even wrote notes to myself in my planner to remind me that it was still supposed to be bad. I knew that September, at least part of October, maybe even into November would be hard, lonely, homesick months. Plenty of people told me stories about being homesick for a long, long time and ending up loving college. The homesickness actually went away pretty quickly. It was well within my allotted time for it. Of course I still had days of homesickness later on, and I'm sure I always will, but that was the least of my troubles.

At first, I didn't have a roommate. And as much as people told me I was lucky, I wanted a roommate. I was extremely lonely at the beginning. Because of this loneliness, I made friends with whoever would talk to me. This was good, as I met a lot of interesting people from many different cultures from me. (And I don't just mean international cultures, I mean also different categories inside of American culture.) And meeting and getting to know these friends cemented my reasons for being at my school.

Yes, I am at college for further education. I am there to earn a degree and do something for the world with it. I am at college to become intelligent in one field and adequate in a few more. But more than that, I am at college to connect with people. I may not use Russian or Biology in my day to day life, but I will always need to be able to connect with people. I will always need to relate. Everyone, regardless of wealth, intelligence, job, or status needs people skills. What better way to learn to live with and around, to accept and connect with, to relate to people than going to college? My school isn't huge, but it's more than big enough to be able to better learn the skills of people. There are about 20,000 people there. That's 20,000 people each with different passions. What better way to learn about people than to live in a little "city" full of them?

That is what I wanted to get out of college the most: people skills. I wanted (and still do) to be able to relate to all different sorts of people, to find something in common, to have a friendly conversation, to be able to be friends with people very different from me. Well, you might be thinking, of course these things are difficult to learn. Of course you're going to go through difficult situations to get there. I agree. But until you are in the thick of it, I don't think you can really understand how difficult it gets.

This year I really realized how broken we ALL are. How the things we say affect people for a long, long time. That we really need someone to listen. (not offer advice, just listen.) I learned how hard it is to make good friends. How hard it is to prove to someone you can be trusted, that you even genuinely care. How hard it is to be transparent, when your transparency isn't exactly liked.

I don't know that I succeeded in my quest to connect. I think this is only the beginning. My year was bumpy. There were situations that broke my heart. (several times.) There are situations that have not been resolved. I learned a lot. I still have a lot to learn. I learned a lot about people- and about myself. This year wasn't a lot of "fun." There were days that were fun, there were times when I was incandescently happy, but in order to learn all I did about people and myself, I think there had to be a lot of hard.

I thought I was passionate before, but my passion has completely exploded... get your heart broken every few days and that'll happen to you. Or maybe it's just me. :) Either way, it worked. My passions are cemented. My reasons for being at my school are cemented. My attachment to those people is cemented. It was a bumpy year. It had to be. I'm thankful that it was. I learned a lot. The situations aren't all fixed, and my heart still hurts and probably always will to a point. My heart still aches for trees. But I am so excited for next year. I'm so excited to make new connections and further the ones I already have.

I'm so excited for the next bumpy year. :) I've learned so much useful information, stuff I will use every single day. :)

to be like Lucy

6/12/10

not something you'd find in a "Chicken Soup" book

6/11/10

international shipping

6/10/10

YEAAAAH!

6/8/10

four eyes :)

6/4/10

6/3/10

6/2/10

beat

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